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| Dirt; is tired of feeling like Dirt | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 1 2010, 11:04 PM (961 Views) | |
| Dirt | Jul 1 2010, 11:04 PM Post #1 |
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DEERTAY
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I'm like everyone else here in that I'm an addict.... I started smoking when I was 15 - stole cigs from my dad. My dad, the guy I loved and wanted to be like - died 9 years ago from lung, brain, and colon cancer at the ripe old age of 64. For a normal person, that would have been enough to encourage abstinence, but not for a nic addict! Before my dad got sick I had quit smoking - I STARTED DIPPING! My fucked up addict brain had convinced me that this was safer. It was definitely easier to hide - less people nagging me to quit. To make a long story short ... I always came up with some lame - ass excuse why it wasn't a good time to quit. Well now I've got 2 boys of my own, and I don't want to put them through what I went through while watching my dad get eaten alive. Make no mistake I'm doing this for me, but I have been selfish long enough - I owe my beautiful wife, and children - a whole husband and dad! I actually got an email from my oldest son last night ( I work away from home a lot) and he said, "Dad - I am so happy that you are quitting that yucky stuff - I don't want you to get sick" Needless to say - that everytime I get a bad craving - all I need to do is pull out a copy of that email, and any doubts my sick mind is trying to plant - fall flat like the lies that they are. I am 40 years old - I have been a dumbass for 25 years, and I'm done putting that shit in my mouth. I don't want to feel like dirt anymore! |
| Quit Date: 30 Jun 2010 | |
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| Smitty | Jul 9 2010, 02:29 PM Post #2 |
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I got my mind right now
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By Smitty (aka Dirt) I wanted to try to explain why I changed my name and came back here, but I know most of you will still think I am a big pussy - so what's the point? The point is that KTC/QSX relies entirely on one's word, so if no one believes a word I post anymore - it is my fault entirely - I can't change your mind, but maybe I'll help someone else. When I was last a regular poster on here in Nov 2006, as Smitty, I had just ruined a 6 mos quit and a visit to the HOF. What made it even more embarassing/pathetic was that after the initial fall - I kept coming back and caving (repeat several times) I'd like to footnote SkoalMonster Caving I was continually collapsing the whole arch - someone even told me to GTFOH because I was weakening everyone. Flash forward 4 yrs.. I still was dipping - but I had finally had enough. I knew that I had my best chance to break free with KTC, but I didn't want my earlier failures to affect this chance to quit this crap and feel good about myself again. My mistake! I knew it was ethically wrong to come on here and represent myself as someone new, but I really didn't think I was going to get caught. Which brings me to another pillar of KTC, accountability. Without it, the place just doesn't work! I'm sorry I did what I did, but I didn't do it with any nefarious (I thought) intentions. I am still quit,(10 days today!) but not sure I belong here anymore. Thanks to everyone who's tried to help me - it's too many to name. LOOT, iuchewie, and many others have worked their asses off to help me quit, but I let them down. I have finally realized that people can only help you as much as you let them, but in the end it all comes down to you keeping your word and not putting that shit in your mouth! Sorry I let you all down.......... |
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" If I could want to free myself of something so bad when I had it, then I know that wanting it when I have successfully gained my freedom is addiction and not truth. The simple memory of my desire to stop works on all my lies like a shield. Hold onto something, your reason for quitting, the emotion behind it. Write it down. There may come a day where you forget your an addict, a day where you think one won't hurt, a day where you believe you can quit again at will. On that day you will need to remember how bad you wished you never tried it, how hard it was to gather the strength to quit, how much you hated the control it had on you, how much you wished , prayed, begged, and pleaded to get quit. If you can tap into that you'll never look back, no matter what your inner addict whispers in your ear." - Skoal Monster Quit 6/29/2010 HOF 10/7/2010 | |
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| KTG | Jul 9 2010, 02:38 PM Post #3 |
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Oh, Hello
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Dude so you are on here as two people, and you texted me that you got kicked off. That's just weird ass psycho shit and I hope you're quit but I don't want anything to do with you. |
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| Cancrusher | Jul 9 2010, 04:00 PM Post #4 |
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███ QUIT: √ ███
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Smitty- You must feel like shit. You should you know. This is one of the few places left in this world where a mans word means something. You coming in here under a different alias pisses me right off. What a cowardly act. ....other than that, It is good to see you working through this and remaining quit. Having not been through HOF myself, I must say that it kills me to think you threw away such a lengthy quit. I'm just wondering what is different this time. I mean, I'm sure you were passionate when you were posting 4 years ago. Who's to say that you wont burn out again and just waste all of our time again? These are things you should ponder my friend, and ponder hard. What is different? Why should I invest my time into caring about your quit? |
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Quit Date 5.19.2010 FLOOR I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI XVIII XIX XX XXI XXII XXIII XXIV XXV | |
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| Smokeyg | Jul 9 2010, 06:40 PM Post #5 |
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I shake the cat, hold him up in the smoky and drunken light
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In order to be successful with your quit, you need to get rid of the "I really didn't think I was going to get caught mentality". Who gives a fuck if you get caught by others when you know your actions are ethically wrong? You can create a well thought out plan with specific steps, but if you're not accountable and forthcoming with yourself, you'll never actually follow those steps. You'll buy that can of chew without telling your son that you love Grizzley more than him. You'll find a reason not to make that call. |
| The History of One Tough Motherfucker | |
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| Instigator | Jul 9 2010, 07:14 PM Post #6 |
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Member
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That's not the only thing bothering you, cc. You see smitty, going through this little disaster, and you see a man that had a HOF run and a decent quit...then dumped on himself first, then lied and dumped on everyone else. You are scared that no matter how far along you get, you are always a cave candidate. And you are right. I'm not bashing smitty because I once again haven't read his full story. I'm saying that this man should serve as an example for us. I don't care if you reach HOF, or day 1000, or whatever. You are never out of the woods anymore than the alcoholic is. Let all of this scare you on a daily basis that the quit will be permanent. All I got. |
| The Rozzers--Catching crims and locking them up...in your community | |
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| razd611 | Jul 9 2010, 09:52 PM Post #7 |
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Unfiltered
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We are all one bad decision away from day 1! Always remember that and stay the fuck quit! |
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There Is No Turning Back! If you Can't eat it, Fuck it or Fix it, might as well bury it! Please refer hurt feelings Here | |
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| Greg5280 | Jul 9 2010, 11:15 PM Post #8 |
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Bonafied Quit Beast
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Werd, Always keep your eye on the ball. NEVER believe you have this beat. |
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It's not that some people have willpower and some don't... It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. NEVER AGAIN !! "I have been down here before, I know the way out. " There is a huge difference between a commitment of 99% and a commitment of 100% Quit Date: 10-30-2009 : HOF Date: 2-7-2010 : One Year: 10-30-2010 : Two Years: 10-30-2011 : Comma 7-25-2012 : Three Years 10-30-2012 : Four Years 10-30-2013 : Five Years 10-30-2014 : Double Comma 4-21-2015 : Six Years 10-30-2015 : Seven Years 10-30-2016 : Eight Years 10-30-2017 : My HOF Speech | |
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| Smitty | Jul 10 2010, 12:40 PM Post #9 |
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I got my mind right now
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Dudes - thanks for not telling me to go take a flying fucking leap! I have read all of your comments here & Oct - and I am learning from them. I wanted to post my plan that I am following every day: 1) Post roll everyday as soon as I am able 2) Consider that promise to be unbreakable (as if someone's life depends on it) 3) Spend as much time as I can here getting to know my brothers in quit 4) Avoid triggers until I can confidently manage those activities w/o dip 5) Carry an email, my son sent me the day I quit, in my wallet 6) Read that email everyday - and think about how much I would feel like shit if I gave up my quit. 7) Keep @ least three quit buddies #'s in my phone that never leaves my side 8) If I ever get to this step I will call my wife and kids - tell them I love Kodiak more than them. 9) Call all three of my buddies - bigbamadan, dipnomor, & cando and get their permission to give up |
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" If I could want to free myself of something so bad when I had it, then I know that wanting it when I have successfully gained my freedom is addiction and not truth. The simple memory of my desire to stop works on all my lies like a shield. Hold onto something, your reason for quitting, the emotion behind it. Write it down. There may come a day where you forget your an addict, a day where you think one won't hurt, a day where you believe you can quit again at will. On that day you will need to remember how bad you wished you never tried it, how hard it was to gather the strength to quit, how much you hated the control it had on you, how much you wished , prayed, begged, and pleaded to get quit. If you can tap into that you'll never look back, no matter what your inner addict whispers in your ear." - Skoal Monster Quit 6/29/2010 HOF 10/7/2010 | |
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| CoachDoc | Jul 10 2010, 01:11 PM Post #10 |
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Big Stick of Quit
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Smitty...If you need another number, anything, I'll be there for you. You know better than most that all it takes it to screw someone over once and the bridges burn really quick. Don't fuck this up, brother. |
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Blah...Blah...Blah...You keep TALKIN....I'll keep QUITTIN I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to support YOUR quit. Quit Date: 2/25/10 and every day since HoF: June 4, 2010 HOF Speech 10th Floor: November 20, 2012 | |
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| Smitty | Jul 10 2010, 03:33 PM Post #11 |
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I got my mind right now
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I WILL NOT FUCK THIS UP COACH! THANKS FOR GIVING A CRAP! I AM BORN-AGAIN HARD - |
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" If I could want to free myself of something so bad when I had it, then I know that wanting it when I have successfully gained my freedom is addiction and not truth. The simple memory of my desire to stop works on all my lies like a shield. Hold onto something, your reason for quitting, the emotion behind it. Write it down. There may come a day where you forget your an addict, a day where you think one won't hurt, a day where you believe you can quit again at will. On that day you will need to remember how bad you wished you never tried it, how hard it was to gather the strength to quit, how much you hated the control it had on you, how much you wished , prayed, begged, and pleaded to get quit. If you can tap into that you'll never look back, no matter what your inner addict whispers in your ear." - Skoal Monster Quit 6/29/2010 HOF 10/7/2010 | |
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| CoachDoc | Jul 10 2010, 04:13 PM Post #12 |
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Big Stick of Quit
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Good....now stop talking and start quittin. As long as you are doing that, I've got your back. |
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Blah...Blah...Blah...You keep TALKIN....I'll keep QUITTIN I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to support YOUR quit. Quit Date: 2/25/10 and every day since HoF: June 4, 2010 HOF Speech 10th Floor: November 20, 2012 | |
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10:21 AM Jul 11