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| Time to Grow a Spine; Quit for Good | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 15 2010, 06:02 PM (6,135 Views) | |
| LLCope | Aug 18 2011, 12:51 PM Post #106 |
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LLCope
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I am glad you are moving forward and staying Quit! Good for you to do what you need to do to stay quit and improve your quality of life. You have good support from your wife and doctors. Keep us updated--you are a great asset to this site. |
| "A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can do without" HD Thoreau | |
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| Dchogs | Aug 18 2011, 10:12 PM Post #107 |
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Imposing my will
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Jesus, KD, your quit just gave my quit a boost. While I love my quit and how sexy it is, your quit is the fucking bomb. I'm proud that your quit and my quit are on the same website, Internet, and planet, but I suspect your quit just might be from a different planet that had some crazy evolutional event that caused all of the quit to be fucking awesome. And, of course, they send the most awesome of the awesome to explore and seed other planets. Keep up the good quit, brother. Keep your wife involved. Thank her. You are a better man without nicotine, and I'm proud of you. |
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Quit- 5/16/2011. One day at a time. HoF- 8/23/2011; 2nd Floor- 12/1/2011; 3rd Floor- 3/10/2012; 4th Floor- 6/18/2012; 5th Floor- 9/27/2012; 6th Floor- 1/4/2013; 7th Floor- 4/14/2013; 8th Floor- 7/23/2013; 9th Floor- 10/31/2013; 10th Floor- 2/8/2014; 11th Floor- 5/19/2014; 12th Floor- 8/27/2014; 13th Floor- 12/5/14; 14th floor- 3/15/15; 15th floor- 6/23/15; 16th floor- 10/1/15; 17th floor- 1/9/16; 18th floor- 4/18/16; 19th floor- 7/26/16; 20th floor- 11/4/16; 21st floor- 2/12/17; 22nd Floor- 5/23/17; 23rd Floor- 8/31/17; 24th Floor- 12/9/17; 25th floor- 3/19/18; 26th floor- 6/27/18 "He which hath no stomach to this fight let him depart. But we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers! For he today, that sheds his blood with me, shall always be my brother." (Wm. Shakespeare). For August '11. Who dares, wins. Stay quit... it is life or death and that is the undeniable truth. "To be driven by our appetites alone is slavery, while to obey a law that we have imposed on ourselves is freedom." Rosseau | |
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| kneedragger | Sep 13 2011, 09:45 AM Post #108 |
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Quitter
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Day - 183 I'm taking a break from bitching about my problems today to share something a bit more important. My wife's mother was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma about 11 years ago. She went through several rounds of treatment, including chemo and an autologous (using her own stem cells) stem cell transplant in 2006. Eventually, all of these treatments and exposure to radiation led to MDS, which is a bone marrow condition that can lead to Leukemia. Remarkably, the treatment for this is more radiation and an allogenic (using donor stem cells) transplant. Unfortunately, allo transplants are grueling and very scary, with mortality rates that are quite a bit worse than those for auto transplants. With an iron will, she agreed to the procedure and showed remarkable strength and determination as she fought towards recovery. Unfortunately, all has not gone as planned. I explain the rest of the story in a letter I sent to my family last week. The last thing I'll add is that my mother-in-law is a beautiful and inspiring woman. It is clear that cancer is a ruthless and non-discriminating killer. The letter is copied below: Hi All, I thought you all should know what's happening with [my wife's] mother, Leah. As you may know, Leah was diagnosed with MDS last year. This is essentially a bone marrow deficiency caused by exposure to radiation. If MDS progresses, it can lead to Leukemia. Leah went through a very difficult stem cell transplant to treat the MDS and appeared to be making a remarkable recovery until about 7 months after the transplant. Her blood counts suddenly dropped and we learned that the transplant hadn't worked. She started seeing an Oncologist at [Hospital Name] and started a treatment regimen that consisted of treatments once a day for seven days, every four weeks. It was taxing, but she was starting to enjoy some improvement in her quality of life and had even done some travelling. Unfortunately, in late July, her doctor told her that the treatment wasn't working and her blood counts were dropping again. They switched to another drug and she's been trying that since mid-August. Last week, she was having problems with sores in her mouth and bleeding gums and she was experiencing extreme fatigue. Her doctor recommended she go to the ER. After a series of tests she was diagnosed with pneumonia and she's been held in the hospital while they attempt to get her fevers under control. Unfortunately, while this was going on, Leah got news from her oncologist that the second drug is also not working. The only course of action left to her is a very extreme course of very strong chemo. This has been an option that Leah has been avoiding since she learned that her last stem cell transplant didn't work. It's possible that she would not survive the treatment. It's also clear that if she did the treatment and didn't survive it, her remaining days would be extremely unpleasant. It is our belief that Leah will likely opt for supportive care with transfusions and attempt to enjoy the time she has left with her friends and family. The doctor expects her time left will be weeks to months. Remarkably, Leah remains positive. [My wife] left to be with her Thursday morning. [My son] and I will fly out to see her this weekend. Not sure if you've had the chance to see Leah's blog, but I've copied the link below. Her's is a truly inspiring story of strength and determination that has touched the lives of many. [link deleted] Chris |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| kneedragger | Sep 30 2011, 11:18 AM Post #109 |
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Quitter
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Day 200 Thought I'd update the community on my experiences with therapyu and anti-depressants. Some of you have expressed interest in learning from my experiences, so I hope this is helpful. Here is the history of my prescriptions over the last 60 days: August 8th - 10mg Lexapro August 17th - 10mg Lexapro and 100mg Wellbutrin Sr September 7th - 10mg Lexapro and 200mg Wellbutrin Sr September 21st - 10mg Lexapro and 300mg Wellbutrin XL These changes are all related to my feedback and what I've experienced as side effects. The Lexapro made me very drowsy and the sexual side-effects are frustrating. The Wellbutrin was meant to counter some of this. It did make me feel more awake, but I still have the suppressed libido. We stepped up the Wellbutrin because it seemed to be having more positive impact. But Wellbutrin is a stimulant and my doctor is hesitant to prescribe significant increases all at once. That's why I've had to take it in stages. Some people experience significant anxiety and feel like their heart is pounding out of their chest when they take Wellbutrin. I've experienced some of the anxiety, but not the accelerated heart rate. Unfortunately, I felt the best when I was on the 200mg of Wellbutrin Sr. For some reason, going to XL seemed to not work as well, even though the dosage is increased. It's supposedly the same stuff, just in an extended release format, so you can take one tab in the morning and not have to take multiple tabs during the day. I was very disappointed when I actually felt worse after making this change. Overall, this process has been extremely frustrating. The lack of positive results while seeing two separate therapists is a little tough to handle. I've also had a lot of uncomfortable side effects that the literature says only occur in very few patients. So far I've had anxiety, diarrhea, flatulence, decreased libido, difficulty ejaculating, drowsiness and weird cravings for carbohydrates. The anxiety feels like a restlessness and tension that triggers cravings for me. I've been pigging out to fight the cravings. I'm up about 12lbs and all my pants are tight. Tight waste bands are tough when you already have GI discomfort. I've taken to pulling up close to my desk and undoing my belt and top button. I've come close to ditching this whole process several times. The only thing keeping me hanging on is the fact that I have so much invested. A finance guy would tell you that's faulty logic, but it is what it is. Wellbutrin is supposed to generally improve your mood. It acts on dopamine, same as nicotine. Lexapro is supposed to give you this feeling of separation from what's causing the depression. You can still see it and deal with it, but you're not as emotionally attached. I guess I started to feel some of the benefits of improved mood from Wellbutrin, but I haven't felt anything close to the way Lexapro is supposed to make you feel. If anyone's had different experiences, I'd love to hear about it. Unfortunately, while all this has been going on, my wife has been spending weeks out in Detroit caring for her terminally ill mother. We've been flying back and forth on the weekends, but the weeks are lonely. Being home alone is also a powerful trigger for me. I've averaged a pint of Ben & Jerry's a night fighting these cravings and I haven't worked out in three and a half weeks. Spending time on the KTC website has been a huge help to me during this time. I read constantly and still post roll call in the June 2011 and July 2010 quit groups. This morning, I logged on to post roll in June 11, and everyone was congratulating me on 200. Wasn't really expecting that - it felt pretty damn good. Just the boost I needed to stay quit another day. Thanks to everyone for keeping me honest. I'd have been crawling back to the nic bitch a long time ago if it weren't for this community. -KD out |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| Notdeadyet | Sep 30 2011, 11:40 AM Post #110 |
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Dumbass no more!
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Thanks KD. This is exactly the kind of stuff that takes big nuts to share and really helps a lot of people. You are one bad-ass quitter. -NDY |
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38 yr slave Dumbass No More 8/31/2011 Anyone can stop, but can you quit? A "Stopper" versus a "Quitter" Dumbass No More - A Quitter's Tale Of Ending Stupid Behavior | |
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| kneedragger | Oct 7 2011, 12:08 PM Post #111 |
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Quitter
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it's occurred to me that i may not actually have any therapists. they may just be voices in my head. i still like the PhD better than the MD. which is weird since it was the PhD's idea for me to start taking drugs in the first place. i've been miserable ever since…certainly more miserable than i was before i met her…i think…it's hard to remember. anyway, the PhD likes to blame the MD and she encourages me to do the same. which is also weird since she was the one who recommended the MD. the voices don't play by their own rules. but i did what she said. i called up the MD and said these drugs suck; they're fucking useless. i asked her if there was anything else to try or should we just resort to my original suggestion; medicinal marijuana. she ignored my suggestion...again. she's very even keel despite my tone being thick with accusation. is that further evidence that she's not real? i didn't call her a quack, but that's what that voice inside my head was screaming. i guess the outside me still has better manners. but then she turned into a pusher. at least that's what i've been telling myself. maybe she was a pill pusher all along, maybe not, but i can't go back to her now. she acknowledged that everything she'd recommended wasn't working, so her solution was to try an anti-psychotic. i smiled politely and then punched her as hard as i could on her left tit. i'm pretty sure i only did it in my imagination, but if i really need anti-psychotics, i guess i can't be sure. i told her to cancel my future appointments and then i left. i got back to my office and starting doing searches on withdrawal symptoms for wellbutrin and lexapro. i have three voicemails on my cell phone from little miss MD warning me not to stop taking the drugs. the stupid bitch is worried about the side effects of withdrawel - like there's anything SHE could teach ME about side effects. holy shit, i might get irritable? i might have nausea and diarrhea? anxiety? dizziness? loss of balance and coordination? does anybody else find it fucked up that the side effects of not taking the drugs are the same as the side effects of taking them? fuck these people and they're fucking drugs. bring on the fucking side effects! |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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3:34 PM Jul 11