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| Time to Grow a Spine; Quit for Good | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 15 2010, 06:02 PM (6,136 Views) | |
| kneedragger | Apr 15 2010, 06:02 PM Post #1 |
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Quitter
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I started dipping in 6th grade – I think that means I was 12. I remember going out to recess and a group of friends were all huddled around this one kid, Jeff. Turns out he was handing out dips from a tin of Skoal wintergreen. I stuck a pinch in my lip like everyone else, but I just let it sit there. Didn’t know what else I was supposed to do. Didn’t suck on it or squeeze the juice out of it or spit. Jeff asked me if I was even dipping or was I just wasting it. All of the sudden I felt like I was doing it wrong. I had to get more of it so I could practice and learn how to do it right. That was it…been dipping ever since. Sometime in my teens I switched over to Skoal Mint. Not really sure why. Was also smoking about a pack a day, but smoking was really just a way to get nicotine when I couldn’t dip. That’s why it was so easy to “quit” smoking when I met my wife. She didn’t want to date a smoker and I didn’t really care about smoking anyway, as long as I didn’t have to give up dipping. Plus I was in grad school, so my schedule wasn’t particularly demanding. I could always get back to my apt a couple of times during the day to sneak a lipper. Once I got through grad school and started working, things got a little complicated. Couldn’t get my nicotine from cigarettes anymore and couldn’t dip at work. You’d think that would be enough to make me quit, but instead I figured out a way to dip at work. I found I could pack a quid in the back of my mouth behind my upper back teeth. Basically in the spot vacated by my wisdom teeth. As long as I didn’t use too much, you couldn’t even tell I had a dip in. Then I learned to spit in a Starbucks coffee cup with the lid on. I actually found I could spit in that little hole, but make it look like I was taking a sip of coffee while I was doing it. My co-workers started joking about how I’m never without a cup of coffee. It was unbelievable. I basically figured out a way to have a dip in all day every day. I was more hooked than I’ve ever been. But then I started to watch as my mother-in-law battled Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. She had a stem cell transplant and some pretty serious chemo. Took her about a year to recover and she fought every step of the way. Now she’s been diagnosed with MDS, which is basically a bone marrow condition caused by excessive exposure to radiation. The only treatment is another transplant and, believe it or not, more chemo. But the fatality odds have gone up quite a bit this time around. But she just keeps fighting…and here I am the hole time puttin’ this shit in my body that’s gonna kill me because I’m too weak to face life without it. It made me feel like such a piece of shit to watch how she faced every hardship with courage when I knew I was a spineless addict. I went online looking for help and found a group of guys that not only got serious…they got fuckin’ angry. That’s just what I needed and I’ve been fuckin’ angry ever since. I will not lose another second of my life to this useless shit. I’m four days in and I feel empowered by the vulgar, disgusting, beautiful badasses at KTC. With them behind me, I know I can beat this shit. |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| Volp | Apr 15 2010, 07:54 PM Post #2 |
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The Trooper!!
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That may be the most thorough intro I've seen but I still don't know your favorite color. Never mind. Great to have you out here and congrats on the best desicion of your life. Since you're already on day 4, I'll spare you the normal 3 days of hell speach. You're probably already detoxed. You're still gonna have sleepless nights, dip rage, a mind fuck where you everything will be foggy and you'll feel like you can even complete a coherant sentence. All of this will pass in time. Some, like the fog, will come and go. It's all just your body getting used to life without a cancer causing chemical running through your system. If you feel like bitching at someone, bitch at us, we can take it and it's what we're here for. Drink tons of water the first few weeks. It helps to flush your system even more. Stay very active out here and you'll be bombarded with more than enough support. Rock on brother. Volp |
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Q.D. 6-15-09 HOF 9-22-09 2'nd floor 12-31-09 3'rd floor 4-10-10 1st year quit 6-14-10 4'th floor 7-19-10 If you cave without using your numbers, I will hunt your stupid, ignorant ass down, tear your fucking head off, shit down your blood squirting neck stump and skull fuck your newly decapitated melon. Have a nice day! | |
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| greg40 | Apr 15 2010, 08:34 PM Post #3 |
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Quit Ninja
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Hell-fuck-yeah!! This silly prick is on the right track! Stay pissed and stay close to the site. :D |
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| Steelers | Apr 15 2010, 10:34 PM Post #4 |
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Steelers
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Great Intro, need any help PM me, we will keep you quit |
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6 time champs | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 16 2010, 02:41 PM Post #5 |
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Quitter
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GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU GAP-TOOTHED, STANK-ASS, HAIRY FUCKIN' WHORE!!!! |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| Volp | Apr 16 2010, 02:52 PM Post #6 |
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The Trooper!!
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You tell her Dragger. Fuck her and her horse. She owned you for way too many years. It's your turn to fuck her. |
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Q.D. 6-15-09 HOF 9-22-09 2'nd floor 12-31-09 3'rd floor 4-10-10 1st year quit 6-14-10 4'th floor 7-19-10 If you cave without using your numbers, I will hunt your stupid, ignorant ass down, tear your fucking head off, shit down your blood squirting neck stump and skull fuck your newly decapitated melon. Have a nice day! | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 16 2010, 02:57 PM Post #7 |
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Quitter
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I doubt I've got this figured out enough for it to qualify as wisdom. But I want to document my triggers and my plans for dealing with them. Thought I'd post it in case it helps others identify and plan for serious cravings. If you have other ideas for dealing with these, please reply and let me know Triggers: Driving – Fucking huge trigger. Constantly passing gas stations. Requires more willpower than I possess Plan – I live in the city so I don’t have to drive every day. Try to limit driving to those occasions when there will be someone else in the car with me. Cancel plans that require long drives for at least a couple of weeks. Keep my dip alternatives with me if I have to drive – sunflower seeds, hooch, lots of bottled water. Piano – Late night practice sessions on the piano Plan – I’ve trained myself to believe I can’t concentrate on working through a tough lesson or working out a new riff unless I have dip as my concentration crutch. I have to train myself to see that’s not true, but I have to do it in small steps. I should practice for short periods of time, but avoid practicing when I’m alone in the house. Having my wife around will also help keep me honest. Avoid practicing late at night when my wife is asleep. Racetrack – Too many other riders use tobacco so it’s constantly in my face Plan – Cancelled my track day scheduled for this Saturday. Not feeling the willpower yet. In the future, I think this might be a good place to use Hooch as a crutch, but like piano, I have to slowly learn to enjoy this without the nic bitch. Movies – at home or in the theatre Plan – I can give up movies for a while. This is actually an easy one. Stressful Situations at Work – I’ve learned that I have no mechanism for dealing with stress. My stress level has been high lately, causing severe back pain, canker sores and loss of sleep. Given my situation at work, I don’t expect relief from these high stress levels in the foreseeable future. Plan – I need to get back in the gym but can’t do that until I cope with my back pain. Continue with physical therapy, and run to the extent possible. Contact doctor about other resources for stress management and relief. |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 19 2010, 10:22 AM Post #8 |
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Quitter
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A fork in the Road I had a bit of a breakthrough this weekend as I was fighting a monster craving. I thought this story might be helpful to others who are trying to develop strategies for staying nic free early in their quits. Sunday afternoon, I was on the subway heading to my stop on West 72nd St. I was having a serious craving and I knew that there was a tobacco shop at the 72nd St. subway station. I started to feel very anxious about caving and I was really freaking out. I thought about staying on the subway to avoid walking past the shop, but then I’d have to walk home from 79th street. I knew of at least three places to buy dip between 79th and my apartment on 70th. I was starting to feel trapped and I was fumbling through my wallet looking for my phone numbers. But somehow in the midst of all this, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that there was no way to cave at that moment. I was on a subway car, beneath the ground with no dip and no way to get dip. I was safe. I realized that I wasn’t in the middle of a fight, but I was approaching one. I had time to think about how to handle the real fight when the time came. Realizing I was safe helped me calm down and take a few deep breaths. Then I heard the words of my KTC brothers in my ears. “Embrace the suck”. The weird thing was I couldn’t really find “the suck”. I tried to identify where in my body I physically felt the need to dip. Was there some pain that I knew could only be alleviated with nicotine…absolutely not. Was it like hunger…not necessarily pain, but some physical manifestation of my need for nicotine…nope. I couldn’t find anything. There was literally nothing happening in my body that signified any need for anything. In fact, I felt pretty fuckin’ good. That’s when I realized the source of my anxiety was clearly between my ears. That really fuckin’ pissed me off. When the subway reached 72nd street, I braced myself for the fight ahead. But this time, the fight would be a single moment in time. A single decision. I could turn right out of the subway station and walk into the tobacco store, or I could turn left and head straight to my apartment. But it would be a single moment. I would not let my mind turn the fight into more than it was. I would boil it down to a single decision and then I would make the right decision for all the reasons I had decided to quit in the first place. As I walked up the stairs I listed all the reasons in my head. I’m done being a slave to the nic bitch, I want to grow old with my wife and family, I’m tired of lying to the people I love, etc… By the time I got to the top of the stairs, the battle was short and decisive. I didn’t hesitate, slow down or even look to the right. I walked out of the subway and felt the sun on my face. I put on my shades, smiled to myself and walked straight home. |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| GlennFtheKodiak | Apr 19 2010, 10:34 AM Post #9 |
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you can call me Rockface
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Yo that's the fucked up thing about this place. You would have caved no doubt if not those KTC voices swirling around your head. It is weird how it works like that, but it does, and that's why it is so vital to remain on here and stay involved. Way to fight that crave. Nice to have another New Yorker on here (although I am from Jersey). I know exactly what store you were talking about - my Pops actually lives over there somewhere and I have been on that Subway and stop 10 zillion times. You won't be able to avoid every store, shit there's one every half block, but as long as you have that support group in your head you will do fine and the craves will lessen. |
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football rules, soccer drools HOF: July 7th, 2009 | |
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| sensei | Apr 19 2010, 11:44 AM Post #10 |
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Love You Long Time
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Great job! Life is really a series of decisions. It's amazing what you will learn about yourself when you quit nicotine and start paying attention. 'clap' |
| 02/05/2010 First day of freedom. | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 19 2010, 12:04 PM Post #11 |
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Quitter
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Ah shit, Glen. Can't believe someone else on this site knows that store...it's such a shithole. I'm actually embarrassed that I used to put anything in my mouth that came from that store. Oh well. Guess there's no secrets in the fox hole. We're in this fight together, so all my KTC brothers might as well know about the kinds of shitholes I would frequent to get my fix. Most of those guys recognized me and had a tin of mint waiting for me when I came through the door. I used to think that was cool...fuckin' pushers... |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| mustangs21089 | Apr 19 2010, 06:01 PM Post #12 |
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mustangs21089
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haha i feel the same way!!! |
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!!!!CRaViN bUt I AiNt CaVin!!!! | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 21 2010, 08:41 AM Post #13 |
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Quitter
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I hate everyone and everything. That is all. |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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| Volp | Apr 21 2010, 09:27 AM Post #14 |
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The Trooper!!
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Hang in there brother, it gets better. I can't say when but it does. You'll go through a couple a periods of raging and hating the world for a while. It's normal for what you're doing to your body. Also, there's a beautiful spot, right here on KTC, for all your bitching and raging needs. Get Your Bitch On was created for just this feeling. You got dip rage and would rather not put your fist through a co-workers skull? Go out and call him a mother fucker out there. Someone cut you off in traffic with texting her BFF? Let it all out on GYBO. Not only is good for you to vent there instead of at home or the office but we love reading a good rage. It helps remind us of our own struggles we went through in the early days and you'll get good feedback for many. Stay strong my man. You can do this. |
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Q.D. 6-15-09 HOF 9-22-09 2'nd floor 12-31-09 3'rd floor 4-10-10 1st year quit 6-14-10 4'th floor 7-19-10 If you cave without using your numbers, I will hunt your stupid, ignorant ass down, tear your fucking head off, shit down your blood squirting neck stump and skull fuck your newly decapitated melon. Have a nice day! | |
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| kneedragger | Apr 21 2010, 01:51 PM Post #15 |
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Quitter
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Stay Away from Electronics In all the reading I’ve done on this site, nobody told me the impact that my quit was going to have on electronics. For the benefit of all you newbies, you should know that when you quit, electronics and technology cease to work for you. The more expensive, cutting edge or exciting the technology, the more you can be assured that it will not work for you as a result of your quit. It will be fuckin’ broke, I assure you. But that’s not all that’s broke. Your ability to fix your exciting new electronic device is also fuckin’ broke. As a result of your quit, you are officially dumb as a bag of hammers and trying to fix your new gadget yourself will look a lot like washing a baby with a fire hose. So you go back to the store to try to get help and you learn that our entire system of commerce…also fuckin’ broke. As evidenced by the douchebag saleperson who was willing to make any claim necessary to get you to part with your hard earned money and sell you a glitzy electronic gadget that he obviously knew was broken. You have no recourse with this douchebag because he will take one look at your electronic gadget and ask, “Did you try to fix this yourself?” But wait, there’s still technical support…this is your only remaining hope, but as a result of your quit, all technical support personnel around the world have been replaced by the dumbest fuckers to ever walk on hind legs. However, they will not know that they’re dumb. You will yell at them, scream at them, curse at them and they will very politely apologize and put you on hold for 30 minutes. Eventually you will be disconnected when you hurl your phone against the wall. As a result, your phone will no longer work…you will try to fix it yourself and the whole cycle will begin again… you’ve been warned… |
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Quit Date - 3/15/11 HOF Date - 6/22/11 HOF Speech: Welcome to My Spy Movie My Life as a Quitter: Time to Grow a Spine | |
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3:34 PM Jul 11