Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
KillTheCan.org | Blog | Twitter | Facebook | Store | LIVE CHAT
Welcome to KillTheCan.org Online Community. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:

Endgame Reversal

Posted by Atown (Members) at Yesterday, 5:33 PM. 0 comments

Endgame Reversal
By the time I was a Freshman in high school, (ill be 47 this year) chew owned my ass. Dipping very quickly became a love hate relationship. Everyone reading this can relate to the phenomenon of chew being your buddy. It made me feel special, country, tough, and of course satiated. Problem with all that was the nagging pesky old Truth. Deep down I knew I was just the sucker, weak and needy, for something that was killing me, and giving me the breath to prove it. YO FUCK THAT!

Thru the years I stopped for 6 weeks many times, up to 6 months a few times, and even mustered up 6 years during my 30’s. I always fell back deeper under the spell and chains of a very real chew beast.
Its demoralizing to fail so many times, and the whore nicotine can somehow soothe a weary soul battered in the storms of life. Enter the endgame. In the endgame quitting loses importance, in the addicts twisted mind there’s much bigger problems to tackle than daily stuffing cancer in your face. How will I keep paying the Mortgage? How will I keep putting food on the table? How will I get this battered body up again tommorrow? After 30 years of wrenching and rigging and hammering I need that shit to carry on. In the endgame quitting is not even realistic anymore. I drive the Tony Gwynn highway to work everyday. In the endgame you daily read the sign “Tony Gywnn Memorial Highway” as you dribble into a foul smelly container full of your own waste and just shrug your shoulders and say “My fate is out of my control.” Yo FUCK THAT!!

My endgame got downright nasty, constantly sucking on a turd at work, upper lippers, shower dips after “the days last dip”. I could never take a small dip, I was a junkie chasing the elusive perfect dip. However I also have a beautiful wife who loves me and wants a future, I still have a conscience that needs at least some reinforcement, so in the endgame I stop on weekends, only taking an occasional chew when I or the wife leaves the house. This also gives my gums a little breather, but In the back of my mind I know when Monday morning comes around and the work tools come to hand ill be powerless against the beast. Trust me this cycle will rob you of more than just your confidence to quit tobaccoo. Yo FUCK THAT!!!

On Friday Dec 30th 2016 as I leave work for a glorious 3 day weekend Im feeling up for one more good ole fashion try at escaping this hell. Around Tuesday or Wednesday the following week its still game on against the whore and I’m explaining to my work compadre Tyler (shout out to him for his support) about fake chews and how in the past I used them, but ultimately blamed them for getting me started again. We went online together and searched for fake chews, maybe they had improved, but I found something new….Enter Kill The Can. I found the site that day and devoured everything about it. That day right then and there I KNEW that I would quit with KTC. Ironically I also knew that I had to find a store to buy some fake that night, because I thought I would literally go insane, I knew how weak I was at this game. But I found the Game Changer KTC!!! O HELL YEAH!!!

Within a couple days I’m posting Roll with the 2017 April Fools, I’m reading and walking the “Words of Wisdom”. I’m on the boards as much as possible (which was often because I was worthless at life the first month) and I’m sending out PM’s with my digits. By doing all this I’m owning my quit. Next thing you know the brothers in arms show up and I’m first texting with Danman, a couple hours later its Bruno79, You both gave legs to this dream and I thank you. 2 days later comes Glock Therapy(my eventual neighbor) and Kitkat(the first guy to call me and my quit hero). I really feel like I’m in a posse now, All these guys know what I’m going through and have my back, their more than just funny handles on a forum now. A week later and Harn46n2, Fire Maker, and Airborne are on my phone and the accountability builds. Eventually I’m texting with guys I admire from our month on the boards, BigBen(the squatch tracker), Samrs (the first guy from our month to randomly send me his digits, forever grateful Brothello) , the dogless Batdad called me!!! and davidbmitchell(the dirtbag) let me live vicariously through his adventures. At just the right time when things were kind of blah KGO85 reached out to me and picked me up with some high energy quit freedom I needed. Then My local bro Leonidas From May 17 came thru with some realness less than 8 miles away (I promise to never kayak at your break bro,lol) . Lately Skidwilly and NYCjetfan have have shown me what a great place KTC is to make interesting friends and be impacted by quality quitters. Much Love to all Underdog Wreckers and KTC. These are just the ones who have my eternal gratitude and brought me through the fog. I will always look forward to meeting new quitters also. HELL YEAH!!!

Today I am 121 days quit, and I aint scared to stare down the wall of cancer at any Cstore! I’ll hold court and pump the keg for smoking clowns , chewin clowns, patchin clowns, whatever comes, because I have “washed in the kool-aid of KTC”… (Thats funny right there, I don’t care who you are!)
Truth is I’m not scared because I closed the door to using Tobaccoo, Its off the table. Call it a jedi mind trick, call it whatever you want, just don’t call me complacent, because my quit is real and I enforce it every day by posting a promissory Roll, and remembering EDD how enslaving and despicable chew is. I also have people I am accountable too EDD that Have lives and loved ones they hold dear, and for once in my life Im not letting my people down.

In closing my final thought is that there is hope to all who are under the spell of tobacco. Accept the truth, “its shit” , would you be afraid to go in your garage alone because theres gopher poison and you might eat it? Stop with the crazy shit, post your promise to not pack a lip , and claim your freedom, Walk in freedom, ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM!!! FREEDOM IS NOW!!! O and last but not least to the chew beast… Checkmate Motherfucker.

Forever Grateful

Posted by BrianG (Members) at Apr 27 2017, 04:41 PM. 0 comments

Intro

I am not special. My intro is like most of you reading this. Started messing around with tobacco at an early age. By 15 I was buying my own can and the addiction had started. I tried to quit a few times. I usually planned a quit and it would last a few days at best. I talked about quitting a lot. People would make comments to me about quitting and I would laugh and say yes, I am going to quit. I remember when I was 20 years old going to college, I got these white bumps underneath my tongue. I was really worried that tobacco had given me cancer. I went to the campus doctor to get it checked out. This Doctor was probably 70 years old and looked to be bothered by some young punk coming into his office all worried about cancer. He actually laughed at me and then told me the worse thing possible. He said that I would have to chew 30+ years for tobacco to give me cancer and not to worry about it. I hung my hat on that comment for many years. Well, those 30 years crept up on me pretty fast. I remember turning 45 and giving thought to those words. I told myself that I should quit. I probably planned to quit, but I never got around to it. In December of 2016, I turned 50 years old. Something happened to me on that birthday. I do not think I had a midlife crisis or anything but I started to reflect on things. My life, my family and where was I at and where was I going. What I really started to see was that I had a chance to grow old. I have made plans for my old age, but in the back of my mind, I was never sure I would get there. None of us are promised a tomorrow, but I always thought my tobacco use would shorten my life. I started planning another quit. This time would be different. I was not sure how it would be different, but I was serious about quitting. I was in the car with a friend and I heard a commercial come on about this herbal mint chew. I took my phone out and jotted down a note to check this website out. When I got back to work, I went to Jakes Chew. I ordered some mint stuff and thought this would get me through the rough part. While on the site, I started to look around. I found a link to Kill the Can. I started to look around and thought this is different. If I am serious about quitting, why not give this place a shot. On Jan 17, I signed up into the April 2017 group. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I do not remember much about those first few days, the fog was pretty thick. I know I posted an Intro. I know I posted my first Roll Call. And I know I was serious about quitting. I am not exaggerating when I say it took me about a week to feel human again. I was on such a roller coaster of emotions. One minute you think this is not so bad and then the next minute you feel like total crap. On day 2, I sat in my office and cried. If I remember right, it was because I started thinking about forever, broken promises and just flat out being scared. The anxiety of quitting hit me hard. The tears would not stop. I started thinking about what ifs… what if I messed up by making a pledge to people that I would quit today…What if I cannot do it. Believe me, in those first few days the thought of, I do not owe these people anything, was at the forefront of my thinking. Even at day 100, the thinking of forever can raise my anxiety level to a point that it becomes uncomfortable. Keep it One Day At A Time (ODAAT) and it helps with the anxiety.

100 days

I think the thing that I know at day 100 that I did not know at day 1 is that the 2 days are not all that different. Sure, Day 100 is easier than day 1, but it is not like I do not have craves or thoughts of tobacco. When I was in the first week and saw a guy posting 90 days or 100 days, I envied that guy. I could not wait to be in his shoes. He has it easy now was my thinking. Well, being the guy at day 100 now, I know that I do not have it easy. It is still a struggle to remain quit. Some guys talk about not even thinking about tobacco at day 100. I am envious again of those guys. Now don’t get me wrong, tobacco is not my every thought as it was in that first week. But, I have yet to have a day where I do not think of tobacco. I am told those days will come, and I am also envious for those days. (This guy envies a lot...)

The other thing I learned in these 100 days is that posting roll each day works. I have said it before early on that I am not sure why it works, but it does. I still do not really know why it works, but integrity and honesty play a big role. I posted roll every single day for 100 days. When I first posted roll, it was going through the motions of posting roll. I was trying not to mess up the roll. After a week or two, the act of posting roll became almost sacred. It really meant a lot to me to put my name and day count on that roll sheet. If you give it the respect that it deserves, posting roll can keep you quit.

Day 100 brings a sense of accomplishment, but the task at hand is not complete. I still am conscious of craves and mental battles and the fog that can pop up without warning. The mental battles may be the worst of it all. These battles are me trying to reason inside my head why quitting is a good thing. It would be so much easier to just continue to use tobacco and go back to the way things used to be. The mental fatigue that can happen to you with this back and forth is exhausting. It will flat out wear you out. I think this is where we lose some people along the way. They just give up the battle. In my previous attempts at quitting, this is where I would lose. I would give in to the exhaustion of trying to stay quit. The difference now is this site. I had always attempted to quit by myself. When I would run into the exhaustion, I had no one to lean upon to help get me through it. I always chose the easy way out. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to talk to someone that knows what you are going through. It made all the difference in the world to me. Sure, the exhaustion came in these 100 days, but I was never alone and I had the support to keep going until I got my proverbial second wind. At day 100, I am really starting to believe that I can win this battle. At this point it truly is mind over matter. I have taken tobacco off the table and it can never be an option in the choices that I have in battling this addiction.

So yes, day 100 is a big win for me. I am proud of myself for getting here. I am in unchartered territory when it comes to how long I have been quit in my 35 years of using tobacco. My new goal is day 200. I have more confidence in making this goal than I did the last goal of 100. One Day at A Time should get me there.

April 2017 -- The Roll Wreckin' Fools

My boys. These guys are some bad ass quitters. The guys that have made it to day 100 are some of the toughest guys in this battle against nicotine. I like to think that we kept the drama to a minimum and the Roll Wrecking to a maximum. Holy Cow can these guys mess up a Roll. We were not limited to just messing up our roll, we were not embarrassed to go into other groups and mess their Roll up. To be honest, we took a little pride in a good Roll Wrecking. We had our fun, but when it was time to get serious about quitting, these guys got it done.

The April 2017 group as a whole got me to day 100. I say this with all seriousness, I would not be quit today without the group of April 2017. I am proud as heck to quit with you guys and I truly value the friendships that have been made here. I wish you guys nothing but the best in life and I am damn proud to call you brothers in my quit (There may be some bat dust in here, give me a moment...). I am forever grateful to each of you for the support you gave me. I hope this is the first of many milestones we celebrate as a group. We are much more powerful against our addiction when we rely on each other for support. That is why I will be posting roll with these Roll Wreckin' Fools for the foreseeable future. No need to fix what is not broken.

The Vets

I am truly grateful to the creators of KTC and to the vets that help keep it going. Early in my quit, let's be honest, most of you were jackasses. As my quit went a long and got stronger, as the fog lifted a little, it seemed like you became less of a jackass and more of a friend. It was really strange how that worked. Although there were many vets who helped me along the way, a few of you stand out in helping me reach this point. NJohns23 was a valuable asset to the April group. No way do we get things done smoothly without his input and guidance. Thank you Nick for your example and great leadership. The guy who calls himself Ready was very valuable in my quit. He always seemed to know the right thing to say and his logic always made sense to me. He has the best quote that I used many times over the last 100 days, Never Again For Any reason(NAFAR). It was/is my mantra. Jubs is a friend that helped me to forget about the quit at times with his great sense of humor, but would have words of wisdom for me when he knew I needed lifted up. I am grateful that he reached out to me. There was an entire group of vets in the chat room that helped me get here. I have not missed too many days over the last 100 days of being in the chat room. Finding a way to laugh while going through the pain of quitting can be a great relief. Thank you Chat Room! I am very grateful to the supporters who posted below the line and called me out by name. This meant so much to me and it really helped to strengthen my quit knowing others were watching and cheering me on.

The vet who did more than anybody to help me stay quit does not even know it. We have never exchanged words with each other. I have read everything this guy has written on this site and I encourage you to do the same. He seemed to me to be the master of how to quit. He writes well and always seemed to have the right words for what I was feeling. I am forever grateful that 30YrAddict took the time to write all that he did.

30yrAddict --
I look at the nic bitch at this point as a lion looking at a herd- she is waiting for someone to lag behind, waiting to pick the next one off, looking for a sign of weakness, looking for someone who is not thinking about the fact that they are still vulnerable. She is patient, in some cases she waits thousands of days to pick one off.

I'm stayin with the herd.


Wise words 30, I will do the same.

New Guys Who Want to Quit

Yes, I am talking to you. The guy planning his next quit. I dipped Skoal Fine Cut for 35 years. I was not sure if I would ever quit even though I knew that if I did not, something bad was going to happen. I was angry that I had to quit because I thought I truly loved to dip. If I was awake, I was dipping. Not one person reading this can say they did it more than me or that they love it more than I thought I did. I will not lie to you. Day 1 sucks. Day 2 really sucks. It all just sucks. It took me a week to start to feel human again. The roller coaster in those early days is just crazy. You get 50 days out and you think you are doing well and then it hits you again. I am telling you now, it is not easy. I say this because I want the person reading this to quit for good. I want you to know what 100 days quit feels like. I know it feels better than the last day I dipped. I was not enjoying Skoal anymore. I was dipping not to feel bad! The withdrawal from nicotine is what kept me dipping. Hell, when you dip 35 years, you are long passed any buzz you get from dipping. Do I feel great? No, but I feel better. Jubs has been nicotine free for over 1,000 days. He says it gets better, I believe him... Let's get on with the quit....


The Quit Continues...

The Weight Of Days

Posted by Samrs (Members) at Apr 26 2017, 12:11 AM. 0 comments

I'm standing, feet spread, left foot forward so my body is turned slightly to the right. My knees are bent slightly, my open hands lifted. I look like I'm telling someone to settle down.

"Ai!"

The man in black shouts. I echo him...

"AI!"

... and I'm in motion. Right hand starts to move forward, becomes a fist. Left hand moves back at the same time. Twist at the hips. Wrist in line with my forearm.

THUD. My fist smacks the target pad, and I instantly do everything I just did, in reverse, and return to my starting position.

It was a good strike. Solid.

I started taking hapkido classes two years ago. I had some idea of what I was getting into, but really, it was all new to me. I showed up at my first class nervous and anxious, trying to understand who the people around me were, what was going on, and why everybody was yelling "AI!" all the time. I knew that I was in the right place, though, if I wanted to learn how to defend myself.

At the start I had only a vague idea on how to throw a punch. How hard could it be, really? You just... do it, right? If you've never taken instruction in something like this before, you would be absolutely amazed at how much goes into a decent strike. How you make a fist, obviously. How you hold your wrist. Why foot position matters. Balance. Snapping your strike instead of telegraphing it. Shifting your hands to make sure you're keeping your own face protected. Speed, strength, accuracy.

Anybody can throw a punch. It takes practice to make that punch strong.

Before you can practice, though... you have to learn.

In order to learn, you have to listen to the ones teaching you.

I have spent the past two years listening, learning, and practicing. I have gotten better, but I know that I still have a long way to go. Over the course of getting through a trio of belts, a lot of what goes into a straight punch has become habit. That has been accomplished by doing the same thing, over and over. Throwing punches. A lot of punches. Hundreds, at least. Thousands, probably. Each one has contributed to and honed my ability.

My punch, now, has the weight of days behind it. Every punch I have thrown to date reminds me that I have done this many, many times before, and yes - I can do it again.

I'm no fool, though. My punch is stronger than it was when I started, but with practice, it will continue to get much, much better. I plan to persevere. One day, I hope to be good enough become an instructor. For now, though, I must listen to my teachers, learn what they have to teach me, and practice with my fellow students. I will prepare myself for my next belt test, one day at a time.

Each day stronger than before. That weight of days does add up.

When I first came to KTC, I had some idea of what I was getting into, but really, it was all new to me. I registered and posted my first day, nervous and anxious. I was confused, trying to understand who the people around me were, what was going on, and why everybody was saying things like "WUPP!" and "EDD!" all the time. I knew that I was in the right place, though, if I wanted to learn how to quit.

At the start I had only a vague idea on how to quit. How hard could it be, really? You just... stop doing it, right? If you've never read up on something like this before, you would be absolutely amazed at how much goes into a strong quit. How to post, obviously. How to make your promise. Why posting early matters. EDD. Keeping your quit protected. Having a plan, having support, knowing your triggers. Sharing digits. Sending texts. Stepping out of your comfort zone and talking to - or meeting! - another quitter.

Anybody can try to quit. It takes practice to make that quit effective.

Before you can quit, though... you have to learn.

In order to learn, you have to listen to the ones teaching you.

I have spent the past three months listening, learning, and practicing. I have gotten better, but I know that I still have a long way to go. Over the course of getting through my first hundred days, a lot of what goes into a successful quit has become habit. That has been accomplished by doing the same thing, over and over. WUPP, EDD - over a hundred times, now. Post support with other groups. Bump fixes, update the SSoA. Text my quit brothers and sisters every day. Each one has contributed to and honed my quit.

My quit, now, has the weight of days behind it. Every day I have quit to date reminds me that I have done this many, many times before, and yes - I can do it again.

I'm no fool, though. My quit is stronger than it was when I started, but with practice, it will continue to get much, much better. I plan to persevere. One day, I hope to be good enough to stand alone. For now, though, I must listen to my those who have come before me, learn what they have to teach me, and quit with my brothers and sisters. I will prepare myself to achieve my next hundred days, one day at a time.

Each day stronger than before.

That weight of days does add up.

Chad_Crews HOF

Posted by Chad_Crews (Members) at Apr 24 2017, 08:22 AM. 0 comments

Today, Monday April 24, 2017 marks 100 days since my last hit of nicotine. I began my love affair with nicotine in 1999 as a 15 year old kid with one hidden cigarette behind the barn. I thought I was so cool throughout high school as a smoker and dipper. I would do anything I could to get that fix and once the cool wore off I was just an addict.
I grew up and still live in Eastern NC in the heart of flue cured tobacco country. Our part of the world is financed by the money that a tobacco crop brings in. Everything from schools to roads and all things in between have benefited from the cash crop. I was no different as my family farmed tobacco from the 50’s up until 2005. Therefore, I was exposed to nicotine and cigarettes my whole life. My mother, father, uncles, grandfather, grandmother and several other family members were smokers and couldn’t say much when the found out that I had taken up the habit. I now work at an agricultural retail facility and my livelihood depends heavily on the tobacco industry. After my grandmother died from lung cancer in 2008 my father, uncle, and I decided to quit smoking at Christmas 2009. They quit nicotine all together while I became a dipper. I didn’t break my promise…I quit smoking. I started chewing Skoal wintergreen and loved it for a while.
I have 2 children ages 3 and 6 and I could notice that they were exhibiting some habits of mine. My son would spit when I spit and pretended to pack a can of dip. I tried quitting with the gum and patches several times with no luck. In December of 2016 I decided that I was finished forever and I got on the patches. On January 15 2016 I decided to quit the patches because if I didn’t I would always have to have a patch on.
My quit journey was done mostly on my own for the first 60 days and it was not that bad to be honest. I had some trying times but no risk of caving. Around Day 50 I began to experience depression and anxiety symptoms. I did not recognize these feelings because this was something I had never experienced. I let them fester way too long until I was unable to function on a daily basis. I had a breakdown at work in front of my coworkers. All of them were very supportive and understood what I was going through. I found KTC on Day 61 after an extensive internet search about depression and the correlation to quitting nicotine. I have never been in a forum group before and really didn’t know what to do. I put out a call for help and let me tell you the lord sent a group of angels to save me. You guys that sent me PM’s in the early days saved me. I yearned for contact with others that knew what I was feeling. I would like to give a special thanks to iyouruwhoami and heliken who have been a rock to lean on during this whole thing.
If you have made it this far then maybe you’ll keep reading from here. I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I believe that God puts you in situations to be able to help someone else down the road. I have been tempted with nicotine worse in the last 40 days than any other time. In Luke chapter 4 Jesus was tempted by the devil for 40 days and 40 nights. Luke 4:13 says “When the devil had finished all his tempting, he left him at an opportune time.” I hope the devil has left me at this time, but I know he is right there waiting to swoop in and ruin it all. I have prayed harder and have come closer to god than any time in my life through this ordeal. This is my trial that God put me through to bring me closer to him.
If you are not a believer, I urge you to seek out Jesus Christ and give your life to him. When you do you will have a guide and a shield with you for the rest of your life and for eternity. Thank you for reading and quit on.

DaveinMT HOF Speech

Posted by DaveinMT (Members) at Apr 22 2017, 05:39 PM. 0 comments

I understand that 100 days is just a start. I fully realize that it’s simply an early milestone along the path of my quit journey. I get it. But I’m damn proud of myself! This has not been easy. Not one bit. In fact, it’s been one hell of a lot tougher than I ever imagined it could be. At times, quitting has made me feel very weak and insignificant. The first nine or ten days are a blur to me. The fog I endured has fogged my memory of it. After that, things seemed to settle down. I thought I was on Easy Street; that I was somehow a better quitter than those struggling around me. Despite everything I learned and read from the veteran quitters, I honestly felt I was permanently cured. I got cocky. Then I hit day 79 and things went haywire. It felt like I was back on Day 1 again. What the hell was that about? It was a huge slap in my face and served as the humbling reality check I needed. Sometimes, I can only shake my head at my own arrogance. I’ve never been good at asking for help or relying on the support of others. Most everything I’ve done in my life has been on my own. I’ve created my own breaks and made my own mistakes. All the success and all the failure, both personally and professionally, is solely on my shoulders. I’ve never had to be a team player. Then I quit dipping. Early on, I knew I had to swallow my pride. I quickly came to the realization that there was nothing wrong with getting help from people who have gone through or are going through what I am. There are too many people to thank in this speech. You know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have shared laughs, tears, frustrations, and sincere happiness with strangers. I’m beyond grateful! The thing about quitting the nicotine is, despite all the help and support I’ve received from so many outstanding quitters, I occasionally have no choice but to walk down that dark hallway alone. I’m sure it’s like that for all of us. It’s a hallway of temptations and cravings. I know this hallway is where caves happen. It might be in the middle of the night, or while driving by the convenience store, or during that online meeting. I had serious “alone moments” the first time I fished and golfed this spring. Sadly, I’m not enjoying those life-long passions nearly as much as I dip before I quit. I didn’t realize that a good part of my enjoyment came from the dip and cigars I had with me. There are scary times when, if even for just a little while, I have no choice but to get through weak, difficult moments by myself. That’s where accountability regarding the daily promise I make takes over. I’ve discovered that those “alone times”, while uncomfortable and intimidating, are great opportunities for personal growth as I fight tobacco addiction. The more I visit that hallway, the less afraid I am. I feel I have the tools and support to walk right through it. But I also know that I’m always one bad decision away from going right back where I started. I quit for myself but I do it in the names of others on that daily list. I see those names posting roll each morning and smile because, even though I might not know them, I’m proud to be associated with them. I think of them many times during the day. 101 days ago, I didn’t even realize I was an addict. Now I remind myself of that absolute fact every single day, day after day, one day at a time. Quitting has not made me a better person. I’m still impatient, demanding, grouchy, occasionally rude, and not very good looking. I can live with those things. What I won’t live with is the shame and embarrassment of letting tobacco products control me like a puppeteer. I know I have a very difficult battle ahead of me. But, by God, I’m taking a few minutes today, before I continue down Quit Road, to pat myself on the back because, again, I’m freaking proud of myself! If I had biceps, I’d flex them! Next, I need to find an additional website to help me lose the weight I’ve gained since joining KTC. I’m tired of trying to enter the chatroom and getting an error message on my screen that says, “One at a time, please!”.

The Quitter's Mindset

Posted by Tuco (Moderators) at Apr 21 2017, 02:00 PM. 0 comments

One thousand days ago, I woke up and made a decision to quit all forms of nicotine, and have done so every day since. That's one thousand consecutive days of making a conscious choice: I am not going to going to use nicotine today. Pretty simple. Quitting wasn't always an easy choice, especially in those early days, but it certainly was no accident.

When I found KTC two or three days into my quit I was desperate for a lifeline. Anything that could help to ease the constant, gnawing craves and the pea soup fog that had settled over my brain. I was struggling just to cope, and I figured any sort of tips and tricks I could glean would certainly be of some use. I quickly discovered that no such tips or tricks exist, but something far more powerful does.

Allow me to preface this by saying none of the advice I offer is particularly new or groundbreaking. Do a little digging in any pre-HOF month or through just about any HOF speech and you will find many equivalent sentiments from literally thousands of other quitters. Plenty of truths and wisdom about quitting has been written ad nauseum in this space. Perhaps the one perspective I can add is a distillation of the core fundamentals that comprise the Quitter's Mindset. As in, I came here looking for "tips and tricks" and quickly found a literal foolproof mindset that I can personally guarantee 100% success - if you follow it unfailingly.

The Quitter's Mindset

#1 Post roll first thing each day. No excuses. If you have a pulse and the means to access some form of electronic communication, you can get on roll and make your promise. To be clear, this isn't a rule. This is something you already understand must happen of your own volition. You don't have to post roll. You want to post roll. See the difference? Strive for the latter, even if you must fake it for a while at first. Posting roll and making your promise first thing will become the foundation of your quit today, and every day thereafter. If you're still skeptical about the efficacy of posting roll first thing, go look at any month that started 1,000+ days ago. Look at the timestamps from quitters posting their promise. I can all but guarantee that the overwhelming majority of them consistently do so in the first part of their day. Every. Single. Day. The ones that were lackadaisical about it early on have long since faded. Do yourself a favor now and make a habit of posting roll first thing.

#2 Focus only on today. Once you've given your word, center all your energy on keeping your word for the rest of the day. Yes, 'one day at a time' is preached far and wide here, but until you come to understand and embrace what that truly means, you must keep your sights set firmly on doing everything in your power to be quit today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, and certainly not forever - just today. Quitting in 24 hour increments is far less daunting, even for a seasoned quitter, than thinking of being quit in terms of weeks, months, and years ahead. 24 hours is finite and totally within our control. Worry about today, today. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

#3 Invest in your own quit by investing in others. I repeat: invest in your own quit by investing in others. Connect with other quitters on here. New and veteran alike. Your addiction desperately wants you all alone so you can be more easily manipulated. That gets a whole lot harder when you feel personally accountable to other quitters. It seems a bit odd at first to be trading PM's and sharing your mobile number with total strangers on the internet, but it is one of the single greatest tools you can have in your arsenal.

Plenty of guys quietly assure themselves that they don't need help. Guess what? They're wrong. At some point, every single one of us needs a pickup. Even if you're the one picking up a fellow brother, that alone becomes high octane fuel for your quit. Just as some guys think they don't need any help, others think they can get all the help they need from their family, friends, church groups, etc. Also wrong. Having supportive friends and family is great, but unless they are battling nicotine addiction right alongside you, there are very noticeable limits to the actual support they can provide. Besides, they probably knew you and accepted you during your dipping days. If you were a ninja dipper, you long since figured out how to deceive them. On KTC, we've seen it all before. The lies. The bullshit. The rationalizations and addict-speak. We've also seen the mile of shit you must wade through in those early days of quit. The struggles and the triumphs. Your wife or friends might think the world of you, but when it comes to you as an addict, no one knows you better than KTC.

Finally, I will add how fortunate I am for some of the genuine and lasting friendships I've made here (MiBS shoutout). Barely a day goes by where I don't connect with at least one person from my core group. Sure, the conversations have largely drifted away from quitting at this point, but to a man, we all have each other's backs and understand explicitly what it was that originally brought us together. Having connections like that simply cannot be understated. I would literally rather die than disappoint these guys by caving. Plain and simple.

#4 Be deliberate with your quit. As I mentioned previously, you don't quit by accident and you sure as shit won't stay quit by accident. It is a deliberate, conscious choice that you must make every single day. Treat your quit with the respect it deserves, and do it with purpose and pride. Never take your quit for granted, even when things start getting easier, for complacency is your addiction's primary weapon to win you back. Make no mistake, nicotine addiction plays the long game here. Once you've grown complacent, it's only a matter of when, not if, you will eventually find yourself scraping the bottom of a tin. Complacency killed a near 4 year quit for me over ten years ago. I know how easy it is to get lulled into a false sense of security. Once the fire inside dies down to barely a flicker, it doesn't take much to allow a cave to happen. The best way to ensure that never happens to you is to quit deliberately and with purpose each day.

That, in a nutshell, is the core mindset you need to adopt if you have any designs on being a long-term quitter. If you're thinking about quitting, or have just begun your journey, know that you can do this. It won't be easy, but it will be terribly worthwhile. Invest your time and energy on facing your addiction head-on, using the advice given above. I learned each of those facets of quitting in my first 100 days, and I've spent the following 900+ days proving that they work flawlessly.

Since this is technically a HOF speech, I'd be remiss if I didn't give some other folks their proper due. I posted a 1,000 today, because of my fellow Stone Cold Quitter brothers in November, '14. To post up each day next to the same group of guys is reassuring and reinforces the fact that what we do here actually works. I'm fortunate to have landed in such a strong month stocked with bad-ass quitters. It's truly been an honor to quit alongside these guys. I'm also thankful for the vets that set me straight in those early days. It didn't matter if they were a few weeks ahead of me or a few years, the knowledge they dropped plus a well-timed pat on the back or kick in the ass is precisely what I needed. They lit the way, and I am forever grateful.


Change Your Story

Posted by Kitkat (Members) at Apr 21 2017, 10:42 AM. 0 comments

The day was both cold and rainy, with a gloomy outlook just on the horizon, a storm was brewing off in the distance. As they walked into the solemnly lit chapel, there was sadness abounding in the air. There were friends, there were family, and there were distant acquaintances that came to offer their support. As she walked in, her young children clinging to each arm, a tear fell from her face, beneath the mesh black vale. Laid in front of her was a beautiful oak box, with immaculate finishes full of dreams, promises, memories, and most of all…hope for a future. The box, although full… was emptier than she could have ever imagined. As she looked down into the box, there he was her husband of years, but short of the years that should have come. The hopes, the dreams, the future all laid to rest with him. As she fell to her knees, her mind racing with the recurring thought... “If only he quit, would we have lost him so early?”

How did we get here? We must start from the beginning.

Six years ago, my friend in college was going through a tough time in life and asked me to run up to the local convenience store and pick him up a can of Skoal Extra Mint. I said sure man, anything for you. So I run up there and pick it up. I get back to the dorms, give him the can and then sit down in the chair. He asks me “you wanna try it?” Of course, being young, dumb and in college I did not hesitate to put that first pinch in my mouth. After a few minutes, the buzz started and the addiction was born. Next thing you know, I feel tingly, numb, and alive, the spark I needed on that fateful college night. In fact, I remember running sprints down the hallway to prove how great I felt (what an idiot). The addiction took many turns, but soon my best friend turned into Grizzly Wintergreen and it went everywhere with me. A can in my car, in my hockey bag, in my tool bag, in my backpack, and in my pocket. In class, driving, while skating, in the locker room, I always had my trusty sidekick.

Nicotine had a strangle hold on me, but it really just felt like a hug. I loved it. I loved having a packed lip or that raw feeling on my gums that would consistently give me a buzz if I just threw enough tobacco in there. I resorted to this crutch when life got stressful, when I needed to stay awake and study, when I needed a release, when I wanted to make something “better”. It was a fellowship, where all my friends, teammates, and roommates all enjoyed the same vice, it felt like comradery and community, but none of us realized the ship was sinking and we were all going down with it.

The friendship was a strong bond that over the next four years, followed me through two school transfers, my dad’s multiple fights with cancer, the death of a teammate and dear friend after a freak accident, the car accident when I totaled my Jeep, through college graduation, finals, and led me ultimately to a cross roads.

In 2014, I moved to Kansas City, MO after graduating school and meeting what I thought at the time to be the girl of my dreams. She knew everything about me, she loved me for who I was and she was ecstatic that I moved… but the thought that kept abounding in my head was “I have to quit… because she doesn’t know I still do this stuff.”

For the next two years, I confirmed she was the girl of my dreams and through the engagement, wedding planning, wedding, moving in together, her going to school, me starting my career, my can stayed by my side, but in secret. I was so convinced that she could not know and I would have to quit on my own.

To be completely honest, this was the first time that I would have tried to quit, but I began to realize something, with the insight of a couple friends that knew and with the insight from the Lord above. I was not hiding my chewing addiction from my wife because I was worried she would find out, it was because I was ashamed that I was so connected and roped into something, that I NEEDED something else to function.

For the year and a half of our marriage, I ninja dipped and life carried on as normal, until December 2016. I had a strange feeling despite my wife being accepted to nursing school, my career going well, us gearing up to buy a house and all other things going well… that there was some resentment or sadness in her tone with me, this nagging thing that we could not shake.

On January 9, 2017 we had a huge blow up fight, that ended with her in tears, confessing that for the past six months she knew about my habit, she had known and was just waiting and hoping that I would tell her and ask for help stopping, but I never did. I saw her crying, broken, shattered, in front of me, more sad than angry. Was my addiction to tobacco and nicotine worth my marriage, my family, and my future? Hell. No.

I have never met a woman with more grace, love, and the impeccable ability to spur me toward Jesus as my wife. She met me in that moment, not with anger, resentment, or haste, but with love, compassion, and a brokenness that of all people, I could not muster the strength to be transparent with her. On January 10, 2017 I made the decision to quit, to join KTC and to have true accountability from people who understand, suffered with me, and spurred me on this journey, the never ending journey of being a quitter… not a stopper.

You may now be wondering, how did we get to the funeral, the crying wife, the sadness of the day, the shattered hopes and dreams?

The answer is that we didn’t. The answer is that we can’t. The answer is that we won’t. Not by the hands of nicotine, we will not. Not at the hands of a self-induced fight for our lives.

This story is not a story of sadness for me, for my wife, for my kids that will follow one day. This story is one of redemption, of encouragement, of success – ODAAT, and of gratitude, because the story changed, because I am no user any longer, I am a quitter. A quitter of nicotine, of the most addicting and available drug available on the open market.

The part of me that has not changed? The addict.

I will forever be an addict. I will continue to have an irreplaceable need to WUPP, ODAAT, for I am not cured, the addiction is merely at bay each day I choose to wake up and fight. Nicotine is waiting, lurking, and plotting to make a comeback, one that will never come as long as I stay diligent, as long as I stay connected, as long as I have my resolve, my phone numbers, and my quit brothers from April 2017, and support from others, I will stay quit ODAAT.

To April 2017, you all are incredible. The brotherhood, the accountability, the drama (thanks Airborne), and the anger and sadness of losing quit brothers throughout the process has morphed us into the best roll wrecking month anybody has ever seen, taking something near 50 people to HOF as long as we WUPP ODAAT through the end. You guys are incredible.

In particular from April, thank you to Batdad (Ryan), Samrs (well…Sam), Skidwilly (Tony), BrianG (Brian), Ifyouareyouwhoami (Jared), Atown (Anthony) and many more I’m sure I am forgetting. You all have been instrumental, encouraging and truly the rocks that have kept spurring me on, fixing my bumps and I owe you each a special thank you on my quit journey.

To Njohns and FishFlorida, you guys roped me in from day one and kept me going, spurred me on and helped me walk through the fog and I hope to repay this guidance with guidance of my own on a young quitter, each month for my entirety of time on KTC, thanks for being an example.

To all the supporters, HOF train conductors, other months that have posted support with us, there is nothing else more than “thank you” that would suffice.

Each day quit is a day, an opportunity to change your story, change your outcome. It is not some magical formula, or magic, or anything mystical. It is a simple formula.

WUPP
ODAAT
Brotherhood + Accountability = Success.


It is not easy, but by God it is worth it.

Remember: Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

Doc's HOF

Posted by Doc468 (Members) at Apr 19 2017, 03:12 PM. 0 comments

Day 100!!! I want to celebrate but at the same time, I’m humble enough to realize that, although 100 is a great milestone, it is in fact just another number. (I’ve made it to 400 or so on my own before and caved without a second thought) Funny thing about human nature is that, once a goal is met, we tend to become complacent and drift. I learned from my KTC brother BrianG that the next step is to set another goal and keep moving forward.

Thank God for KTC, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you ass-hat roll-wrecking fools from April. I’ve always lived under the delusion that Chew is not a commonplace addiction: I thought I was alone, I thought that no one else truly understood this addiction… No one in my peer group understands the rage of withdrawal, the pain of addiction, or the gut-wrenching torment of giving up something that has played such a central role in my life… But in KTC, I found a brotherhood of quitters that truly understand what I’m going through minute by minute.

Now I’m a man of few words (unless it’s a topic that I’m passionate about), it’s not my nature to jump into a conversation, or post just for the sake of posting. I’m more of a post-and-ghost kind of guy. Thanks to Batdad, Dan-Man, Weedsta, Airborne, and even RichardC (who’s no longer with us) [I know I’m forgetting someone, nothing personal] for allowing me to sit in the corner and watch the drama unfold. You’ve provided hours of enlightening entertainment and self-reflection and I’ve learned something about myself from each and every one of you. Special thanks to Samrs for the daily check-ins and KitKat for allowing me to find humor with the stupid memes. And BrianG, even though we hardly talk, you’re my Rockstar… I want to be just like you if I ever decide to grow up.

Getting long winded, so back to goals. Now that 100 is met, what’s the next goal? I challenge you all to set a goal and do whatever it takes to get there… Whether it’s your first 100, surviving until tomorrow, or your next 1000… My promise to myself and every one of you that happen to read this: ya’ll are stuck with me tagging along. I commit to post every damn day until I hit 365, then we’ll set another goal.

* To The Underdogs

Posted by Anthony. (Members) at Apr 19 2017, 10:37 AM. 0 comments

I wanted to start off by giving an intro because at the time of me joining KTC, I was already in a fog and didn't or couldn't seem to write a real intro. I started using nicotine when I was about 14, I was out riding dirt bikes with a bunch of friends on one of their farms. One of my buddy's stole packs of Marlboro Reds from his dad all the time and this occasion was no different for him, but for me it would be life changing...He asked and I accepted and that was the first time I ever felt that buzz and I loved it. I also almost coughed my entire lung up on the first hit and until the buzz kicked In I couldn't figure out why people would ever smoke. Anyways, that one turned into another, and then another and then me and my other 14 year old buddy would give money to one of the parents of another buddy and they would buy us packs and we would split them until that wasn't enough for us and then I started buying my own packs... It was hard to hide the smell of the smoke from my parents because they didn't smoke so I started looking for other ways to get that buzz. I heard about chew and It sounded perfect, I worked at a gas station at the time as a stock boy and decided to have a friend buy me a can and give it to me out back. I picked out Skoal Apple and took it home to my room, shoved my face full of it and buzzed like I have never felt! The problem was I forgot to spit and swallowed that shit.. ran to the bathroom threw up and said screw this shit, I will never do this again... My mom was actually burning a green apple candle in the house that day and that smell really reinforced the point! So back to smoking I went for about 7 years...

Fast forward to the Navy life. When your stationed on a Aircraft carrier sometimes there are drills that close down the smoking area making it very hard to get your fix unless you know someone that will take you to the higher ups smoke pit to make it happen. So here I am on a time crunch most of the deployments and not having time to figure out if the smoke pit was open or closed I realized quick I could dip all the time. I could dip while turning wrenches on jets, dip while I was in my bed watching movies on my laptop etc, without having to go to the smokepit, wait in line etc.. This was great, dip was awesome, I started chewing Grizzly wintergreen long cut and never looked back... I chewed and smoked both for the rest of deployment but when I got home I quit dipping again and only smoked. That lasted a little while and I decided I was going to quit nicotine, And I did awesome at it! I quit for 9 full months, put my wife through hell, raged all the time and chewed nicotine gum like it owed me money... My wife told me that, that was my only time I could talk to her that way and that if I started again I wasn't putting her through it again, and I agreed.

Fast forward again, I had a buddy who was getting ready to move out of state and sold his house and needed a place to crash for a few weeks. Trying to be a good Christian and friend I invited him to stay at my place. I knew he had a drinking problem but that was on him to figure out... He also chewed full time. Well I started drinking with him because nobody likes to drink alone, except he lived at my house and we did this every night.. he was turning me into a damn alcoholic! Well one night we were a bottle of scotch in, the wife went to bed and I had an idiot attack... I asked to bum a chew and he gave me one, and just like that I was re-hooked... The buzz was there and it was awesome! The next day I bought a can on the way home and hid it on top of my cabinets in the kitchen, (my wife is like 5' 3") That should of been a red flag in its self that I was hiding it... I hid it well to, for about 2 months, until one night I forgot to make sure it went down the toilet and a bunch of loose chew was floating in the there when the wife went in the next morning... Well wouldn't you know that flung the door wide open on my hiding it! I explained my case, she thought I was an idiot even though she wouldn't say it, she reminded me of when your parents tell you they are not mad they are disappointed. I hated myself for letting her down and even lying to her about it. But did I stop? If you guessed no you would be correct. She knew now so I didn't have to hide it, I could do it any time of day now. This escalated very quickly to almost 2 cans a day...

Fast forward again, I got out of the Navy and moved my family back to Michigan. We moved in with my parents while we got on our feet and my parents have never known that I dipped, (they caught me smoking a couple of times and lost their minds when I was under age) I was back to hiding it, I took extra long in the bathroom, long showers etc... I remember sitting there one day on the toilet with a dip in (my phone died) and I was staring at the wall thinking wow this is pathetic... I wanted to quit but couldn't, I told myself once we bought our own house I would... a few more times of what I now know as "Ninja Dipping" and I started thinking I don't need to wait I need to do this soon. I asked Google how to quit dip and found KTC and completely ignored everything I read, thinking to myself that I don't need this goofy ass site to quit... I went almost 4 days before my cravings were unbearable, I jumped back on KTC and I hit up the live chat and just read as people typed, I remember thinking that these people were nuts, Well TonyDaQuitter just happened to be in chat and said what's up to me, he told me that there was a new group started in the forums for April and that I needed to post roll, Now I knew these people were insane! But that sparked my curiosity and I started reading more and more of the site and decided what the hell do I have to lose... I jumped in and posted roll.

Fast forward again (last time), here I am at 100 days... There is so much good that I could say about this site, It works! It works because it proves that you are not alone in this fight! It works because It holds you accountable! It works because people like MNxEngineer314 see me struggle and talk cars with me to keep me occupied. Every time that I thought about caving or walking away from this site someone would message me, text me,or put my name in at the bottom of roll supporting me. I realized that these people actually care about me, a total stranger... The group of guys in the April roll wrecking underdog fools are awesome! I owe them my life, and no words can describe how thankful I am for having them as a support group.

To the lurkers and people that are not sure that this site is for them, Please I am actually begging you to jump in head first! Do what the site says to do, At a minimum post roll every day and do not dip, and for some reason it works better than any other product, pill, patch, gum, etc, out there. Wake up, Piss, Post! easy as that. What do you have to lose? My goal now is to give back to the newer guys like the vets gave to me. I have been keeping tabs on one guy so far and I am proud of him beyond words! Chiefbp you got this brother! Im looking forward to reading your HOF in 41 days!

Last part I promise!
I want to thank personally

TonyDaQuiter for getting me in here
MNxEngineer314 for keeping me sane
Airborne for providing never ending entertainment and stirring up shit with the hall monitors!
Batdad, Samrs, Brian G, and Im sure I am missing names... For keeping our group tidy and organized!

This is only 100, there are many many more to go! ODAAT!! EDD!!!

The beginning is over, now the hard part begins! The only easy day was yesterday!

* So I Told Myself

Posted by Ifyouruwhoami (Members) at Apr 18 2017, 11:03 PM. 0 comments

Hall Of Fame… Speech…. Talk about a speech I didn’t think I would ever be writing, or giving… I am No stranger to public speaking or writing, I do both on a regular basis, NEVER HOWEVER thought I would be writing a Hall of Fame Speech…

Where to start? As many others have before me with a little history.

Growing up in Southern Missouri, out in the woods, Tobacco use was just a part life. I do remember my first taste as most do. I remember my Dad worked in the timber as part owner of a saw mill. I would ride to work with Dad some days, and be in the way as I thought I was helping. I remember one day sitting in the middle between dad and one of the guys he would pick up and take to work. They stopped at a gas station, Dad and I stayed in the truck while the other guy jumped out and ran in quickly. Climbing back into the truck he tossed what looked like a big fat candy bar up on the dash and said there you go Doug. As kids will do I remember saying I want some, can I have some. Dad said that’s not a candy bar son you don’t want any of that. The other guy (wish I could remember his name) says come on Doug he wants some, it’ll be good for him you won’t have to worm him. I didn’t know what that meant but I knew he was on my side so I said yeah Dad. So he said ok but don’t cry to me you asked for it. He takes it off the dash pulls his pocket knife out and cuts me off a small slice. As dad is handing me the slice the other guys is getting back out of the truck for some reason. As I toss it into my mouth dad said don’t eat it just chew on it. I took a couple of chomps and remember trying to scramble out of the truck and from there things are a little Foggy.

Fast forward a few years, I didn’t care about the “candy bars” or the pouches dad had on his dash. One day though I notice a little can on his dash, and ask what is that? Dad said it’s Tobacco like the other just different. I asked if I could have some, he opened the can and showed me the fine cut weed and said it will make you just as sick as the other.

A few days later however one of the kids on the bus pulled what looked like the same green can out, bent down behind the seat and opened it and put a little pouch in his lip. He saw me watching and asked if I wanted some and held the can out. I took it and slowly opened the can but instead of the same ground up weed this can had little paper looking pouches in it. I was just looking at it and he said just take one and put it in your lip but don’t swallow, just spit it out. So I did, I remember the bus doing some weird spins and rolls and felt dizzy but I didn’t get as sick to my stomach as last time.

Robert….. The kid on the bus and I became close friends, he lived just a mile through the woods from me and we would meet up and run around getting into all kinds of trouble, as some of you will remember late 70’s early 80’s were different. His bigger brother would buy what we wanted we just had to scrounge up the money for it. It didn’t take long to graduate from the Skoal Bandits to Skoal Long Cut. When I could I would sneak a dip out of dads Skoal Fine Cut can, which would give me a better buzz than the long cut.

Then came little league baseball, and the ninja closet dipping was over, I don’t remember if the whole team dipped but I can’t think of one that didn’t. By then I was on Skoal Fine Cut, or Copenhagan if I had to bum, and it was no secret. Parents weren’t happy when they learned, Mom wanted dad to beat me, but I remember him saying that he dipped so how could he get on to me. Unfortunately for Dad they had this discussion more than once. Dad never said stop so I didn’t, and from then on I had a can in my pocket.

Fast forward to college, I was night manager at Taco Bell and this new girl started working, Man was she HOT. It took me a few months but I finally convinced her to go out on a date with me Saturday night. I Stopped and filled the Gas tank up, planning on a night of cruising town showing off what I hoped to be my new girl. Of course bought a can of skoal opened it took a dip and tossed the can up on the dash. About a mile before her house I tossed the Cleaned my lip, chugged a mouth full of Mountain Dew swished and gargled, brushed with my finger checking the mirror as I pulled in her driveway. Met her parents did the pleasantries and escorted her to the truck, and off we went on our first date. We were barely out of the drive way when she spots the can on the dash and very bluntly announces that she WILL NOT DATE ANYONE WITH A BAD HABIT as she pointed to the dash and can.

WOW, it had been almost 10 years since my mom had said she didn’t like me dipping, since then it was just part of me. Now HOT girl is on our first date right off the bat? I was surprised that she hadn’t heard of or caught me dipping at work on breaks or after close. But what does a teenage boy do when the girl of his dream makes such an announcement. You guessed right, he takes the can throws it out the window and says it belonged to a buddy that had just left it in the truck. Sometimes you can’t win for losing, because then she says I can’t believe you just littered. Why I didn’t turn around, take her back home I don’t know……. But I am sure glad I didn’t.

Fast forward again about 5 years, I am now married to this beautiful dream girl of mine, and have a 2 year old son. GOD and CHURCH has always been an important part of my life, (my Grandfather was a preacher). I surrender to the ministry, and move 500 miles away, to Deep South Mississippi to pastor a little small country church. I get a job at a lumber yard as delivery truck driver and yard hand I think it was a prerequisite to shop there or work there that you had to dip. EVERYONE I was around dipped, I made it a few months being offered numerous dips a day before I caved. For over a year I ninja dipped, there were smokers in the church. I didn’t preach against nicotine, I just didn’t know how my wife would take it. As is inevitable, I was going to get caught, and I did, wife came by work one day to ask me something as I was pulling out of the yard with a load, she came running over jumped up on the running board and saw a can on the dash, WORSE yet I had a dip in. She just hopped down and walked off. I set the brakes and jumped down following her she just waved me off said we’ll talk about it tonight.

I was scared to death for the rest of the day, I Wasted a can of Skoal putting a dip in then tossing it out. Thinking I was going have to quit, but might as well enjoy the rest of this can today. When I got home it was not a fun conversation, obviously what she was the maddest about was my sneaking about it. I hadn’t lied in words she hadn’t asked, the secret was the issue. Long story short for this part, she didn’t like it I couldn’t dip in the house, but she wasn’t leaving me just No more secrets.

So now I am back to dipping in the open again, well mostly. It depended upon who I was around. Out of respect, (So I told myself). I would not dip around any of the elder members that didn’t use tobacco and never on church property. However there were times and situation where I was able to witness and visit with some at the lumber yard at job sites at the sale barn at the race track etc. that people listened because they didn’t feel I was looking down my nose at them, that I was one of the boys. (So I told myself).

Might as well jump forward a few more years now, let’s make it 10 years this time. I am back in my home town in Missouri Pastoring the little country church I was raised in. Life is great I am back with my family my wife’s family, my High School buddies. Those that knew me as a dipper I dipped with. Those that didn’t know I dipped I didn’t dip around. I had a clean conscience dipping, (So I told myself) I just didn’t want to disrespect others and dip around them if they didn’t use tobacco.

By now I have twin girls to go with my boy and they are in school and DARE, teaches them that Daddy is using drugs. GEE THANKS DARE. So relentless pestering from family I decide to try and quit, after all I had quit once 15 years ago for 5 years and all I had to do was throw a can out the window and lie to my future wife. Its Christmas time so I tell everyone Daddies New Years, resolution is going to be to quit dipping. And I did, without much trouble really, not as easy as last time but I make it until June. We are going on vacation to Savannah GA. Driving all night everyone else in cars is asleep, I stop for gas, stand before the Dip Shrine we have all seen and buy a can. While I am debating if I am going to Man up and own this cave or if I am going try ninja, Son wakes up smells the Skoal and wakes everyone else up “Daddy bout a can”. I mean it when I tell them I need it to stay awake and will only do it while on vacation. I will not take it home with me. I meant it when I said it (So I told myself) YOU all know I was lying.
This happens every year for a number of years I quit every New Years, Cave every June on Family Vacation. Except 2015 I tried only made it a few days and caved, each year it became more difficult to quit. I just didn’t have it in me, I wasn’t strong enough to quit again, WHY quit when I am just going to start back up in June? (So I Told Myself) Why make myself go through all that, Why make my family go through my moods. Might as well just accept I am a dipper kids are older now they now know Daddies not on Drugs because he dips and I am a better person when I dip (So I told myself).

So I dip straight through 2015 and 2016 and it’s almost Thanksgiving and I am getting sick. Just a cough that won’t go away, I don’t have the energy I did and my chest hurts. It’s just from the coughing (So I told myself) but then my back starts to hurt and then my left arm. At first it is just a nuisance pain but it keeps growing until I stay home from work, its killing me pain. Wife tries to get me to go to the Dr. I am stubborn and hate Drs. Finally two nights in a row as I say my evening prayers I just know I am going to die and I make my peace asking GOD to forgive me of my sins, take care of my family. Then Saturday morning before Thanksgiving, I can’t take the pain any more and ask my wife to take me to Urgent Care. She Panics because I NEVER ask to go to the Dr. so we Rush over to Urgent care get there at 9 but they don’t open until noon. She tries to get me to go to ER I tell her she’s nuts I’d rather go die in the funeral home parking lot than pay an ER visit.

I have to Argue with Urgent care to see me because when I describe my symptoms of chest back and arm pain, they don’t want to see me. They say I have to go to ER. I finally win or compromise that if an EKG shows I am having a heart attack I will go to ER. They do an EKG and I am not having a heart attack. SO they do some blood work and it shows that I have not HAD a heart attack, so they do an X-Ray and I wait to see the Dr. He comes in looks at me, looks at the chart and the paperwork my wife had filled out and he finally speaks and says I see you use tobacco.

I just look at him and say yes sir

He asked what kind.

I reply SKOAL FINE CUT

He nods flips back through the chart some more turning pages then asked “Are you afraid of cancer?”

I look at my wife then back at him and say…. “NO” Sheepishly

He stares at me and asked, “WHY NOT?”

I was a little uncomfortable with the conversation but what could I do so I gave the same reply I had to others, many times before. “Because the can says May cause cancer, I had a friend who had an older brother named Tim that died of oral cancer and he never touched tobacco in any form. And I know a guy in his 90s that has chewed tobacco all his life and his is fine. So I think it is just a gamble, rather or not I get cancer that I believe it is genetic and ultimately it is determined by GOD” (So I told myself)

This older gray haired Dr. tightened his lips into a pucker and nodded his head slowly up and down, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Then softly says “That is correct using tobacco is a gamble, it is a risk, you are taking and it may or may not end up in your favor there is just no way of knowing. You are correct you are playing the odds and I cannot tell you what the odds are for you in getting cancer or not. Using Tobacco does increase these odds but they do not guarantee you will have or die of cancer.”

I had been getting worried about where the Dr was going with this, but when he said that I felt I wave of relief. Then he came in for the kill and said.

“But let me tell you what is 100%” he paused looking at the chart again then back at me making eye contact. “Heart Disease” holding eye contact he continued “you came in today with a fear that you may be having a heart attack. Turns out you have pneumonia, we can treat that and you will be ok, BUT my dear friend. IF you continue to use your tobacco you will have a heart attack. You see it may or may not cause cancer, but it 100% does make your arteries more sticky. Do you watch what you eat? Do you know what your cholesterol is?

The sense of relief had quickly faded to a kick to the gut. As I looked at him, he still held eye contact and I hadn’t spoken so he said “WELL?”

I weakly and softly said “NO I eat what I want”

Then with a stern confidence he said well providing nothing else gets you first, if you continue you will have a heart attack. The first one may not get you or the next, if not one of them will if you don’t change your lifestyle.”

He just let that sit there and soak in for a bit then reached in his pocket pulled out his script pad and started writing. Then ripping it out handed it to me and says, “Take this get your lungs cleaned up and think about what I said, it’s your choice.” Turned and left the room.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation, smoking affected your heart I had heard that, but if anyone have ever spoken that blunt to me about my skoal and heart I never listened.

Few days later I was feeling much better, physically but emotionally and mentally I was still processing what the Dr had said and was trying to regain my thought process and lies of not me, it won’t happen to me ( So I told myself) . When my wife and son come barging into the room obviously we were about to have a lovely conversation that would distract me from my mental conversation of should I quit.

My wife with much fanfare announces that our son was on academic probation in college because he had dropped a class, rather had tried to drop a class but didn’t do it correctly. He was also failing another class and had been on academic probation all semester its Thanksgiving and we are just learning this. So that brings about a nice lovely conversation with him about why he hadn’t told us. Obviously he knew we wouldn’t be happy, but it was his life and he didn’t lie he just kept it a secret. Discussing this keeping it a secret part we come to the conclusion that he was keeping it a secret because he knew he was in the wrong and didn’t want to face it.

Why is that important to my story?

Well because GOD likes to take advantage of times when I have “taught” my children something to “teach” me. As my son was walking away with his head dragging, GOD speaks to my heart and says your turn. Remember you say you don’t dip in front of others out of respect for them (So I told myself). Well if you feel you can’t dip in front of everyone, if you feel you need to keep the fact that you dip a secret from anyone, does that mean that deep down you know that you shouldn’t dip and don’t want to face it?

“No GOD” I said there is nothing wrong with tobacco, you don’t say any Thou Shall Not’s about that. I went through a quick bible study with GOD of all the (So I told myself). And all he would say to my heart was.

If you feel you have to keep it a secret is it right?
If you feel you have to keep it a secret is it right?
If you feel you have to keep it a secret is it right?

So when I stopped my Billy Goat religion, of BUT BUT BUT BUT GOD. And just sat pondering this lesson, I saw the parallel of what I was trying to explain to my son was the same thing GOD was trying to explain to me. It wasn’t as if I had just had a revelation that Tobacco usage was the sin I needed to go condemn the world of. Rather it was a personal revelation that “FOR ME” it was wrong and time to quit.

I wish I could say that it was settled then and there and I quit at Thanksgiving. GOD and I had the very same discussion over and over for the next few days and weeks. I lost every study, and each one I felt even worse after, by mid December I said OK OK I will quit just let me finish this year and quit New Years. It will be the Day I will always know and remember, and start the new year of right.

I didn’t tell anyone, I was going to quit but for the month of December I kept every empty can stacking them up on my dresser. Come New Years Eve I had 37 cans stacked up on the dresser, the door to my truck was full of empty cans and the door of my family flex was full of empty cans. I kept this as a reminder of just how bad I was dipping and how much money I was wasting.

We had a new years eve party at one of the elders house, everyone left east coast time even though we live in central, and headed to their respective homes, I put a dip in as we were leaving their house knowing it would be the last one, when we got home there was still thirty minutes to midnight so I packed the other cheek. Then 15 minutes until I packed even more in, 10 minutes more and 11:55pm central time 12/31/2016 I shoved even more, I had so much Skoal in my mouth I couldn’t close it. Then 11:59 I stepped outside reached in and started pulling it out flinging it out across the back yard, went in rinsed brushed my teeth, sitting the last can of skoal which was still half full on the night stand and went to bed.

Woke up the next morning and as always reached over grabbed my glasses slid them and picked up the can of skoal. Don’t laugh or think I am crazy but it felt hot and heavy in my hands reminding me I quit so I put it back down and headed to the bathroom. I know I have had this conversation with a few of you, BUT I had to keep that can, and I still have that can. All the empties are gone but that can is still there. WHY Because it has to be ME quitting MY choice, If I have none around I am being forced if I have the option it is my choice. I don’t recommend this for everyone but it is what my personality needs, I can’t be forced I have to chose.

A couple years prior in one of my family attempts to make me quit, they had actually found Killthecan.org and showed it to me. As the first two days progressed and my mood went south my family noticed I wasn’t dipping, at first no one said anything they just kind of skirted around me. On Jan 3rd with Google’s help I found KilltheCan.org and signed up. With the FOG I couldn’t figure out how to post. So I just did some reading and went on my way. I would sign back in ever few days read a little see I was right on track and go my way.

Jan 12th I had a follow up appointment with my family DR set up by urgent care from Nov. I told my Dr about the conversation with the Urgent Care Dr. and how I had quit New Years Eve. And how I was struggling with it and might need some help. He says congratulations and gives me a Wellbutrin prescription. 6 days later I felt worse than I did before so just stopped taking the pills and just struggled through. Family were trying there hardest to ignore my moods and help me, almost made me feel like a kindergartener how much there were patting my back and telling me how proud they were of me how I could do this.

Jan 29th I finally figured out how to post roll on KTC, and even managed to get an introduction posted. SoccerJack was first to respond words of encouragement quickly followed by pab64 advising me to post roll every day and be active with my group. Then DanMan calls me out on group page wanting to know who I am? Why I joined Jan 3rd and just now posting Jan 29th. Telling me you guys didn’t take kindly to posting and ghosting. To be honest in the Fog and Anxiety and Rage I was in I just about clicked little x top right corner and forgot about it. But the more I read the more accountability I saw in practice, the more I knew that’s what I needed.

I got in the swing of things posting roll made my fair share of wrecks and laughed watching others wreck. Talked little on forum but not much…. Had a few Private messages come in giving me digits and requesting mine, to which I shared but wasn’t really ready to welcome you guys into my life outside of the forum. Then one day my phone rings an unknown number and I was busy so I just let it ring. Later I had an hour drive ahead of me and was curious who had tried to call I was guessing someone from KTC but not sure. I hit redial and NJohn23 answers, planning on just a short courteous friendly conversation but end up talking the entire hour drive and I think I did most of the talking. That conversation with NJohn23 really made the site real, I can’t really explain or put into words the encouragement that conversation was and just how much it sealed my resolve and commitment to not just my quit but the quit of others.

Then the digits started coming in the more active I was and the more challenges that were presented on the forum. Richard C, BatDad KitKat Samrs Econner,Carmel Brian G then Later on Chad Crews… all would text call some etc just random things. Sometimes I would text them sometimes I would just look at my phone contact list under KTC and smile knowing that I could contact anyone of them and they would stop what they were doing and visit with me. Then Richard C calls me one day I am at work inspecting a house when he calls, I answer and walk out to my truck and end up sitting on the tailgate for an hour just talking to him. He was struggling but he was being honest I can respect that and had a good conversation with him. After we get off the phone I finished my inspection and head back to the office and on the way BrianG calls me, not just to visit with me because He needed help or I needed help but Richard C had reached out to BrianG as well, and he was concerned. It blew me away the level of commitment that this group had to each other. I live just an hour and half form Richard C, went by to see him once but he wasn’t at his shop. I can’t help but think if I had tried harder and made more effort to be there in person for Richard C if maybe he wouldn’t have caved. It did hurt losing Richard, not just me but the group, again just showing the level of commitment to each other. Trusting Richard will be back. Hope you read this and come back Richard C you deserve to quit.

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for KTC and for all my fellow quitters here, and for ALL; of My April17 group. I named a few above but that is not an inclusive list, I do not leave anyone out on purpose or that any of you are of less importance than others. I have read a few of the other HOF speeches and wandered where, is my name, you listed them but not me. LOL so now here I am making my HOF “BOOK” and listing some but not everyone, I realize it’s impossible, short of just copying and pasting the entire KTC Members list.

I thank GOD for leading me to KTC and for the strength support and accountability I have gained from KTC. My family has been here suffering through my quit with me, and we have more suffering to do. We know it is not over just because we made it 100 days.

I know that KTC will be here for me and I promise and commit to being here for anyone and everyone. There will be no participation trophies handed out here, you quit or you quit quitting and that is unacceptable. You will be held accountable you will be supported but if you want to QUIT WUPP EDD ODAAT

Jared (IFYOURUWHOAMI) April17

Proverbs 27:1 Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.
Matt 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
James 4:14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away.
 

Board Statistics

Total Forum Posts: 4,745,123
Total Members: 29,977 (The newest member is tvoie)
Apr 6 2016, 09:21 PM, a record 937 users were online.