Author Topic: bg124wpd Intro/Journal  (Read 153 times)

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Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2018, 09:59:05 AM »
Day 64 Some things you never consider until....

Yesterday was Day 63 quit.  Yesterday also marked 23 years of marriage to my wonderful wife.  That was the first wedding anniversary that I did not have a big ole dip in my mouth. 

Offline Keith0617

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2018, 10:04:05 AM »
 Sounds like you are kicking ass brother. PM me if you want to talk. Happy to provide my digits. Keep up the good fight. I am proud to quit with you today. Keith0617


 
Day 60 Two long months but still glad to be here and quit with you all. 

I have been wanting to get on here since my half hof but as everyone knows life happens.  This will probably be a bunch of random thoughts but I am pretty random with my thinking most of the time.

One thing I always wanted to put on here is a moment early in my quit involving my wife.  In my pre-quit days I was an open chewer.  Not that it is something I'm proud of now but everyone knew I chewed.  Just setting up my story.  My wife has always dealt with me and my spit bottles.  My kids grew up knowing to stay away from Daddy's bottles as they had "yucky" in them.  The last couple of years I had found a bottle that was perfect.  It was a solid blue color so you couldn't see in it,  it had a wide mouth and a screw top lid.  I had one in the house (which I kept on top of the fridge) and an identical one in my work car.  When I quit my wife came outside holding that bottle and said I can throw this away now as she held it in disgust.  When I said yes and she threw it away it was an unspoken sense of happiness coming from her.  I smile to myself every time I think of that and it is also one of those images I use to help me through tough times. 

Speaking of tough times....Since day 50 I have had some days (just a couple that were a true struggle like the first weeks) where I was like what the heck is going on.  I have almost created another personality that comes out to talk sense into myself when the struggles are there.  The sensible voice talks me off the ledge and back to the person that has a plan in his quit. 

Still using Smokey Mountain on a daily basis along with eating the shit out of life savers.  I have tried every flavor of Smokey Mountain now.  In the future I will post my opinion of the different flavors. I have been on a eating frenzy still but have gotten myself back on a program for working out and limiting booze to weekend pizza night.  The workout program is to my wife's credit.  She is a lot stronger than me.  She hasn't had any booze for two weeks.  I am a complete puss compared to her. 

One of my main goals is to eventually start meeting some of these BAQ's here.     

Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2018, 06:45:09 PM »
Day 60 Two long months but still glad to be here and quit with you all. 

I have been wanting to get on here since my half hof but as everyone knows life happens.  This will probably be a bunch of random thoughts but I am pretty random with my thinking most of the time.

One thing I always wanted to put on here is a moment early in my quit involving my wife.  In my pre-quit days I was an open chewer.  Not that it is something I'm proud of now but everyone knew I chewed.  Just setting up my story.  My wife has always dealt with me and my spit bottles.  My kids grew up knowing to stay away from Daddy's bottles as they had "yucky" in them.  The last couple of years I had found a bottle that was perfect.  It was a solid blue color so you couldn't see in it,  it had a wide mouth and a screw top lid.  I had one in the house (which I kept on top of the fridge) and an identical one in my work car.  When I quit my wife came outside holding that bottle and said I can throw this away now as she held it in disgust.  When I said yes and she threw it away it was an unspoken sense of happiness coming from her.  I smile to myself every time I think of that and it is also one of those images I use to help me through tough times. 

Speaking of tough times....Since day 50 I have had some days (just a couple that were a true struggle like the first weeks) where I was like what the heck is going on.  I have almost created another personality that comes out to talk sense into myself when the struggles are there.  The sensible voice talks me off the ledge and back to the person that has a plan in his quit. 

Still using Smokey Mountain on a daily basis along with eating the shit out of life savers.  I have tried every flavor of Smokey Mountain now.  In the future I will post my opinion of the different flavors. I have been on a eating frenzy still but have gotten myself back on a program for working out and limiting booze to weekend pizza night.  The workout program is to my wife's credit.  She is a lot stronger than me.  She hasn't had any booze for two weeks.  I am a complete puss compared to her. 

One of my main goals is to eventually start meeting some of these BAQ's here.       


Offline Capital70

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2018, 10:49:11 PM »
That right there sounds like a guy who is figuring out his own mind WITHOUT the crutch of a deadly poison. Keep it up. Ramble all you want. Unless you are rambling and typing while driving it wonít kill you.

You have my number. If you are having a shit day reach out!!!  Donít forget about the live chat also.

Thanks for venting!  Iím honored to quit with you today!
Capital70
Quit Date May 27th, 2018
HOF September 3rd, 2018
Intro/Quit Journey
HOF Speech- I Get To
"The more I sacrifice, the harder it is to surrender"
"F#*k man, just post roll and keep your promise" -batdad
Quitters I've Met- 69Franx, Wiesman71, McDave, Jeidi1991
Bad asses quit....everyone else stays addicted

Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2018, 04:52:02 PM »
Day 45 - The struggle is real  - I don't know what is going on today.  I am all jacked up.  Craving, anxious, foggy, restless, can't focus or concentrate.  I feel like it was back in the first couple of weeks.   >:(  I am going through my plan right now, Smokey Mountain and the forum. In the past they brought me through this.  I just got to get my mind right.  Typing that reminds me of something someone text to me and something I've been wanting to write. 

Regret - The first time I was here was in 2010.  I don't remember anything about being here.  I don't think I was ready and hence I'm at day 45 today instead of being at almost Day 3,000.  If back then I would have been into this site and completely drinking the kool-aid this would be a totally different day for me.  That is just one of the many things I regret about the 2010 incident.  Another thing that started bothering me when I got back on here was going to my messages that were still there from 2010.  To go back and read some of the messages I received after I stopped posting roll made me feel like the biggest asshole.  There were people here that really cared about my quit and I just ditched.  I mentioned earlier that typing "I just got to get my mind right" reminded me of something. When I first got on a guy by the name of NOLAQ reached out to me and sent me his digits.  I had messages from him about staying and I just blew it off.  Now to the present when I am QLAMF and I am filled with so much regret.  I just wanted him to know that I was sorry.  When I read through those old messages I copied down his number.  I sent a PM through the old old forum but did not hear anything back.  I wanted to send a text to the number but didn't.  i don't know why,  maybe embarrassment. Well as I progressed through the next couple of weeks it was always on my mind.  I just wanted him to know I was sorry and quit now.  I don't know why but on Day 42 when I was sending out a morning text I sent one to the number I had for NOLAQ.  I simply put "DAY 42 IQWYT."  Not surprisingly the response was "Who is this?"  I responded with "If this is NOLAQ, this is the guy that let you down back in 2010, bg124wpd."  I didn't know if it was him or not but actually sending that text I started to feel a little relief.  I just wanted to apologize.  He responded with "it's me.  Glad you got your mind right."  I know a long story to get to the point of "getting my mind right."  There was a couple more messages back and forth and the conversation ended.  In that conversation he told me he was not as active in the forum anymore.  Yesterday while I was reading in another PRE-HOF group someone stated "...but as the wise NOLAQ once said..."  Reading that made me feel like shit again.  Here I was in 2010 with someone that is still being remembered in 2018 and I just walked away. 

I don't know where I was going with that or if it made sense but I truly regret noy sticking this out in 2010.  I'm ashamed I was an out of control addict that could not get his mind right. 

I am proud to be quit with all of you.  If you are new and reading this, get into this forum and read until you can't read anymore.  Take all the advice from these crusty ole vets that are here.  It might seemed all jacked up to your foggy ass mind but the shit works.  There are so many guys here today that are quit that proves it works. Don't be like me and have a regret for leaving and then coming back eight years later to realize this is the one thing that is going to help you with your quit. 

 


Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2018, 07:51:09 PM »
Day 42 - Booze, food and the weight gain!

What can I say, ole' boy has gained a few LB's over the last 42 days.  I expected it because I have been eating or drinking instead of putting a turd in my mouth. I will admit a good beer or two or three have been a coping mechanism especially after the multiple migrations into new forums  :).    The booze took the edge away and the food filled my time.  The end result is some weight gain or too much gain.  I know this is only temporary as I will get back on track but my main focus is to be quit.  The one major thing about using a good cold one to take the edge off is that when I drink sometimes it brings on unwanted cravings.  So my advice is listen to the people that say cut out the booze when you are early in your quit. 

Being a retread is not a glorious thing but the one of the many things it has taught me is that I need to have a plan.  I, with the help of my wife, have a plan for the booze, food and weight gain.  We have established that we are going to minimize the booze to special occasions, get on a better eating plan and are starting a new workout routine. 

There are many reasons why I am posting this in my journal.  One might be if I read this a year later and became a super lazy fat ass then I know I failed myself in that regards.  One of the main reasons is the aspect of me being quit and on KTC has been an influence on me and my wife.  My wife has mentioned about me being free from my addiction is a push to get the booze out of the house and she is going to try a forum for fitness. KTC has more benefits than just to the user.  If your family can see how an accountability forum has helped you then they can find the accountability in a forum for them. 


Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2018, 06:30:57 PM »
 14 Sep 2018, 17:26
Day 33 - Migration Day.  I just wanted to add something that I found funny but also a realization.  I have posted earlier about my wife being supportive.  I found out today how supportive she actually is.  I was going to do yard work today and needed to go get gas for the lawnmower.  When I got home I put a huge dip of Hooch/SM combo in to do work.  My wife comes out to the garage and asked what I had in my lip.  I told her the fake and asked why.  She said because I just got back from the gas station and now had a big lip.  She said I was lucky because she would get on the laptop and let my friends know what I did.  So the moral of the story is get you wife involved in your quit, tell her about KTC, tell her who all the text messages are from first thing in the morning and then when the cravings come know she will rat you out if you puss out on your quit.  Just another reason to love her. 

Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2018, 06:30:24 PM »
 11 Sep 2018, 11:13
Day 30. Holy crap one month and so happy to be quit. I have had a lot of things solidify my quit over the past couple of weeks:

1. I read the pinned intro of Traumagnet. Yes I did read the whole thing from the start. If you have not read it yet, get off my bullshit post and go read it now. It is so moving. He was so committed to his quit and so strong to the very end. If I could only be half as strong as him the nic bitch would run away like a screaming girl.

2. I read Jenny & Tom Kern's Story. I also went through and read the comments and there was one from his daughter. Enough said. If you have read it, you know what I'm talking about.

3. I spent over an hour on the phone with my Dad. My dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer two years ago, surgery to remove tumor and some of his colon, chemo, radiation and then remission. About a year ago it came back and has spread to his lungs. Back on the chemo and struggling. I listened to my Dad tell me how he struggles with everything including eating and unwanted bowel movements. Side note, my Dad did not get cancer from tobacco use. Talking to him reemphasized that putting a cat turd in my mouth everyday is not worth going through the hell of battling cancer. I did tell my Dad that I was quit after 25 years and he was so happy. I was then reminded how strong he is because he told me he quit cold turkey smoking June 1975. It also reminds me my quit date will always stay with me as a milestone in my life.

4. My wife is so supportive of my quit. There are so many things she does and one of the biggest is just listening to me talk about what else, my quit. She realizes KTC is a big part of my quit and doesn't take offense if I'm not conversing and just reading.

A couple of side note items:

1. Still using Smokey Mountain.
2. Tried Hooch but I think Smokey Mountain has more pros but considering buying both and mixing them.

Quit On, ODAAT, EDD

Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2018, 06:29:53 PM »
 01 Sep 2018, 10:35
Day 20. Thank God I did not cancel that SM order.

Offline bg124wpd

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Re: bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2018, 06:29:27 PM »
 31 Aug 2018, 20:21
I'm nearing the end of my third week, day 19. Decided to post some random thoughts about my week.

BM - Wtf is going on with being regular. The nic bitch is really messing with me on taking a dump. I know it's different now with WUPP and then coffee. Before I was quit it was CCS (chew, coffee, shit). I feel great saying I don't miss the chew part but damn I miss that morning dump and being regular. Lord, I hope it gets back to normal soon. This bloated feeling sucks. Sorry for grossing anyone out by talking about taking a dump.

Besides the BM part I have felt pretty good this week. Bad cravings are gone. I just have those times when a I have a craving that I can manage by occupying my mind with Smokey Mountain and other activities until it passes.

Tonight as I write this and maybe the reason I decided to is because I feel so incredibly awesome with my quit. I don't know how to express it in words but I feel so good about being quit. It's like something in my mind just shifted in another direction and said being quit is some good shit. Hard to explain just a great feeling.

Just placed another order for 10 rolls of Smokey Mountain snuff. The way I'm feeling right now (really good) I almost cancelled the order but thanks to being on KTC, I know better. Through reading some of the posts from the vets on here I know the nic bitch will sneak up on you and I need a plan, so I will keep a good supply on hand. Someday I would like to be free of the fake also but as quitters say ODAAT.

QLAMFEDD

Offline bg124wpd

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bg124wpd Intro/Journal
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2018, 06:28:26 PM »
 29 Aug 2018, 11:34
I am posting this intro on day 17 as I started reading another intro and realized I do not have a intro to build on as I am quit. I am pasting what was supposed to be my intro and then a post from within my group. They will serve as a starting point to this intro/journal.

August 13, 2018 (Intro as bg124)
I have been addicted to this stuff for the past 25 years. Now that I wrote 25 years, it sounds terrible. I have tried to quit before but it never worked. This time it will!!!! I have a very supportive wife and I actually spoke to my doctor about it this time. I was prescribed Chantix which I think has helped with the nicotine withdrawal but there still is that part of me that enjoyed the dip and the routine of dipping when driving, after a meal etc. I think the last dip out my can was the longest I have ever kept a dip in. It was like saying goodbye to my best friend. I feel pathetic saying that but it is the truth. I feel like I had a relationship with Skoal. Hopefully the accountability of this site (once I figure it all out) will be that extra push. Sorry for rambling on. I'm glad to be here.

August 14, 2018 (post in the November Nut House)
I just wanted to thank everyone in this group that initially reached out to me as a new account and now this one. I want to assure you I was not trying to be deceitful by not logging in here with the old account. It was from 8 years ago and I did not remember anything about how I created that account. It is fine that it is what I am using and on there now that I joined in 2010 and my quit date was yesterday. It helps me remember where I have been with this addiction and where I want to go. It is hard to think of yourself as an addict but that is what i have been for the last 25 years. Sure it is not heroin or cocaine but it still ruins your life. I want to take back the control I lost to that $5 can I emptied every day.

To go back to the 2010 thing in case my response was not read. Yes I was a loser and caved to my weakness for chew. I was weak, took the easy way out and bought a can. I have not looked back since then. I just started chewing more. There were the occasional times I would say I'm going to quit but that lasted about as long as it took me to drive and buy a can. So what's the different this time? I am really into this quit. It is something I need and want. I went to the doctor and he put me on Chantix. I don't know what anyone thinks of it but it has helped a lot. I found an herbal pouch stuff that I like and it helps. A big difference this time is that I realized there is a psychological addiction that needs to be dealt with also. Chew has become a day to day habit for me. I need to realize I don't need to have a dip to drive to and from work, don't need one after a meal etc... One last thing I realized (because I'm rambling and probably posting this in the wrong place) this site can really help me. It helped me earlier when I wanted to wig by just simply occupying my time, trying to navigate the forum, reading old post.

I can honestly say I am so glad to be a quitter for the first time in my life.