Author Topic: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey  (Read 254 times)

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Offline Athan

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2018, 05:33:15 PM »
 'bang head'
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Offline walterwhite

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2018, 04:06:38 PM »
Oct. 4th, 2018- Day 131

    I was hoping to post more than I have but I have been busy with life NOT dipping.  What a great feeling.  There are numerous times in my head that I say to myself "I'm a quitter".  I like identifying with that group.  I have NEVER regretted my decision to quit AND I have tried to stay positive.  If you have fewer than 131 days quit read that above part again before you go any further.
    Last night was a grind.  Typical working dad with 4 kids and a wife stuff.  I was cranky with my kids and about to pass out by the time I hit the pillow.  I slept for like 30 min before my legs cramped up because i ran so much, then one of my kids peed to bed, then another kid woke up with a fever, blah, blah, blah.  Up at 5:50 to start it all again.  After I dropped my daughter at school I started thinking how nice it would be to sit in the car and have a dip before school.  It would wake me up, etc.  I had this thought longer than I should have...maybe 5 minutes.  I made it to school and football as a zombie but about 10am the fog lifted and I feel great.  IF I would have caved I would feel terrible right now.  I would be a slave again because we all know we can't have just one.  Texting with some brothers and forcing my mind to move on saved my quit this morning.  I guess the moral of the story is cravings pass and you will never regret quitting but you will always regret caving.  I lived it today.  Sometimes you just have to weather the storm.  The post HOF funk has been real, but my resolve to stay quit is as strong as it has ever been.  I have enjoyed getting to know the January quit group AND I know I am ODDAAT but secretly I know that Christmas is 82 days away which means I will be watching my kids open presents with over 200 quit days under my belt.  I have NEVER watched my kids open presents without dip.  My short term goal is win today, and my long term goal is to make it to Christmas!
Obviously...this is almost exactly what happened this morning.  You woke up and didn't want to be quit.  Why?  Because life is tough?  Man...life will always be tough at certain times.  I hate to rub it in but if you got through this post HOF funk...you would have had the best stretch of days since quitting.  The fog and depression would never be this tough again.  All you had to do was quit today.  Any idiot can quit for one day...Get back in here and man up and quit.
You will NEVER regret quitting. You will ALWAYS regret caving ~ NOLAQ

Everyday an addict reminds himself he is an addict is a day an addict earns another day of freedom. ~ Scowick65

To persevere is important for everybody. Don't give up, don't give in. There's always an answer to everything. ~ Louis Zamperini

Offline 69franx

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2018, 03:30:38 PM »
Get your head straight
Get back in here
Get back to quitting
Be quit
ABQ= Always Be Quitting

Check out the following link:

Cleveland Browns Nov 4th 2018

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Offline Samrs

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2018, 09:34:26 PM »
... you just have to weather the storm.

This just stands out to me because of its simplicity and its truth, just have to weather the storm.  We must remind ourselves that this suck isnít forever, it too shall pass.  So we just gotta man (or woman) up and power through.

It reminds me of Roy D. Mercer ... How bigía boy are ya?!?  Can you handle the suck?!?

Great words Cap, thanks for sharing!  Definitely strengthened my quit.

If you're going through hell... keep on going.

Had occasion to mention that to someone else in a different context tonight.

Some of the things people do, live with, make it through - without nicotine - are staggering.

You don't need it.  That's the simple truth.  Hold on to that, and keep on going.
."We have so much experience here in lying to ourselves and others, that it takes a strong voice to snap ourselves out of it... Be thankful that all these people are willing to be invested in you saving your life." -- drstober
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Online Aumegrad

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2018, 09:14:15 PM »
... you just have to weather the storm.

This just stands out to me because of its simplicity and its truth, just have to weather the storm.  We must remind ourselves that this suck isnít forever, it too shall pass.  So we just gotta man (or woman) up and power through.

It reminds me of Roy D. Mercer ... How bigía boy are ya?!?  Can you handle the suck?!?

Great words Cap, thanks for sharing!  Definitely strengthened my quit.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2018, 09:16:10 PM by Aumegrad »
Who is Aumegrad 🤔 ... INTRO

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. (1 Corinthians 9:24)

Offline pab1964

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2018, 09:10:59 PM »
Oct. 4th, 2018- Day 131

    I was hoping to post more than I have but I have been busy with life NOT dipping.  What a great feeling.  There are numerous times in my head that I say to myself "I'm a quitter".  I like identifying with that group.  I have NEVER regretted my decision to quit AND I have tried to stay positive.  If you have fewer than 131 days quit read that above part again before you go any further.
    Last night was a grind.  Typical working dad with 4 kids and a wife stuff.  I was cranky with my kids and about to pass out by the time I hit the pillow.  I slept for like 30 min before my legs cramped up because i ran so much, then one of my kids peed to bed, then another kid woke up with a fever, blah, blah, blah.  Up at 5:50 to start it all again.  After I dropped my daughter at school I started thinking how nice it would be to sit in the car and have a dip before school.  It would wake me up, etc.  I had this thought longer than I should have...maybe 5 minutes.  I made it to school and football as a zombie but about 10am the fog lifted and I feel great.  IF I would have caved I would feel terrible right now.  I would be a slave again because we all know we can't have just one.  Texting with some brothers and forcing my mind to move on saved my quit this morning.  I guess the moral of the story is cravings pass and you will never regret quitting but you will always regret caving.  I lived it today.  Sometimes you just have to weather the storm.  The post HOF funk has been real, but my resolve to stay quit is as strong as it has ever been.  I have enjoyed getting to know the January quit group AND I know I am ODDAAT but secretly I know that Christmas is 82 days away which means I will be watching my kids open presents with over 200 quit days under my belt.  I have NEVER watched my kids open presents without dip.  My short term goal is win today, and my long term goal is to make it to Christmas!



You get it and I like it! Awww those bdays Christmas anniversaries ballgames with kids and grandkids without catshit is priceless! Enjoy every damn second with your family. Be thankful for those nights without sleep, they will make you a better man. You will understand that some day. My kids are grown I missed so many things with them and all for something that nearly killed me and May before itís all said and done but one things for sure I WILL die nicotine free as long as I post my promise Odaat!

Offline Capital70

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Re: Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2018, 10:33:27 AM »
Oct. 4th, 2018- Day 131

    I was hoping to post more than I have but I have been busy with life NOT dipping.  What a great feeling.  There are numerous times in my head that I say to myself "I'm a quitter".  I like identifying with that group.  I have NEVER regretted my decision to quit AND I have tried to stay positive.  If you have fewer than 131 days quit read that above part again before you go any further.
    Last night was a grind.  Typical working dad with 4 kids and a wife stuff.  I was cranky with my kids and about to pass out by the time I hit the pillow.  I slept for like 30 min before my legs cramped up because i ran so much, then one of my kids peed to bed, then another kid woke up with a fever, blah, blah, blah.  Up at 5:50 to start it all again.  After I dropped my daughter at school I started thinking how nice it would be to sit in the car and have a dip before school.  It would wake me up, etc.  I had this thought longer than I should have...maybe 5 minutes.  I made it to school and football as a zombie but about 10am the fog lifted and I feel great.  IF I would have caved I would feel terrible right now.  I would be a slave again because we all know we can't have just one.  Texting with some brothers and forcing my mind to move on saved my quit this morning.  I guess the moral of the story is cravings pass and you will never regret quitting but you will always regret caving.  I lived it today.  Sometimes you just have to weather the storm.  The post HOF funk has been real, but my resolve to stay quit is as strong as it has ever been.  I have enjoyed getting to know the January quit group AND I know I am ODDAAT but secretly I know that Christmas is 82 days away which means I will be watching my kids open presents with over 200 quit days under my belt.  I have NEVER watched my kids open presents without dip.  My short term goal is win today, and my long term goal is to make it to Christmas!
Capital70
Quit Date May 27th, 2018
HOF September 3rd, 2018
Intro/Quit Journey
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"The more I sacrifice, the harder it is to surrender"
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Bad asses quit....everyone else stays addicted

Offline Capital70

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Capital70's Intro/Quit Journey
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2018, 10:48:19 PM »
 April 3rd, 2018, 9:58 am #1
Hello All,

I am on day 16 of my longest quit and feel like I could benefit from typing in this section! I have been hitting the chat pretty hard, which is awesome, but sometimes you need to type by yourself!

Since I have not done an intro, we can start there. I am a 38 year old teacher and football coach. I have 4 kids (11, 7, 5, and 2) and have been married 15 years this June. I took my first dip at a girls birthday party in 1994. I was in the 8th grade. I dipped long cut skoal for the next 4 years and then upgraded to Kodiak for the next 10 years. In 2008 I switched to grizzly pouches. Usually only did one at a time but had one in constantly. I used dip for every emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, etc. Before I felt anything I had to throw a lipper in. I have not lived any of my adult life without nicotine and tobacco (except for the past 16 days). By all accounts my life is amazing. Wife and I both work, kids are healthy, we have plenty of money, etc. but for some reason I always found a reason to put those cancer pouches in my mouth. I am pretty sure I have mild anxiety and depression and about 2 months ago I started really thinking about my dip habit. My wife doesn't care that I dip. My kids don't know any better, My dentist says everything is fine, my doctor says everything is fine...BUT....something is going to happen! You cannot dip for ever!!! I have rolled the dice for 24 years and I am done!!!! I want to quit on my terms....not when the doctor or dentist tells me I have to!

Statistically my first 16 days have been about 70% horrible, which is actually better than I thought! A month ago I thought when you quit EVERYDAY was horrible! I have days where for HOURS I am in a fog and wondering why I am doing this. I allow all those crazy thoughts in...we all have them...everyone has to die some how...I have good genes, ill be fine....no one has to know...etc. But then I have the other side telling me all the reasons not to. I worry if I already have throat cancer, jaw cancer, cheek cancer, etc....but I need to remind myself at this point there is nothing I can do about that other than what I am doing!!!

My anxiety and depression have increased since my quit but I think that is normal. Self esteem, self confidence, etc. are all shot. There are times I just don't know how I am going to go on....BUT...every once in awhile I look at what I have accomplished so far. I get proud that for the first time since 1994 I am deciding not to put that crap in my face. I look at my kids and wife and I tear up because for the first time since any of them have known me I am making a decision about my addiction that benefits us all even though I am doing it for ME. From all of the conversations I have had with guys on this site those feelings keep getting better!!!

My 11 year old daughter is helping me and it has brought us so much closer. Before this 16 day quit I had a 6 day quit (used crappy nic gum for 3 days of it...boo!) and I caved. When I told my daughter at the grocery store she started to cry. It was a pretty low moment. The next day I had her throw my tin in the trash and started again. Cold turkey.

So far I have made it through a couple long drives, a major holiday, a spring break with my kids, and countless days of work without DIP which proves it can be done. The support I have gotten from this website thus far has been incredible!!! If I look too far ahead my anxiety flairs up, but Im excited about today...and Im excited to wake up tomorrow and post my roll. For me...right now...thats enough.

 April 4th, 2018, 11:13 am #5

Day 17- Definitely not going to post everyday, but did want to celebrate a positive. Over my first 17 days there have been entire days ruined by fog. I would be a mess from 6am until 4, 5, or 6 o'clock at night. Today started like that. Just could not get going...forced myself to work...went through the motions..but then I found some time to look at KTC on my computer. After about 10 minutes I felt a ton better and didn't have the urge to cave any more. It was only 9am! I still hope and pray that I can get to a point where I don't have to waste 3 hours focusing on dip, BUT 3 hours is better than 5, 6, or 7 hours which is what I used to do!!! All I know is that it is 11am and I am ready to attack this day and start a new one tomorrow...without dip!


 April 13th, 2018, 3:20 pm #7
Day 26- Almost caved...

I am having one of those days where 100 seems impossible but I promised Athan I wouldn’t dip today so I’m not going to. My wife and I fought last night and she chose to sleep in our daughters room. I woke up at 2am and was up on and off every 10 min until 6am. ALL day I thought about caving. There were at least 5 co-workers I could have asked. There was an hour when I could have left school but I didn’t. BUT on my way to to pick up my son I had made up my mind that I couldn’t handle the suck anymore and I was going to get a can. I called Athan not to ask him for help but to tell him I was going to buy a can. He stayed calm and walked me through some techniques until I was standing on the side of the road crying like a baby. My anxiety is intense...I wanted a dip so bad to calm it down, but I also want my kids to have a dad with a face. I’m sure tomorrow will be rough too. At some point I may cave but I won’t today because I told him I wouldn’t. And...after I let it out..I feel better than I have all day.

 June 1st, 2018, 9:19 pm #9
Someone said you will never regret quitting, but you will always regret caving. Very true words. I just went back and read my intro and the replies. I really screwed up. 28 days I made it and then pissed it all away. I don't know if anyone will ever read this...I hope it helps someone. It helps me to type it, but it can't just be all about me. That has always been my problem. As big as a dick as BRONC is he helped me realize that when I came back. Even when I quit the 2nd time he could tell in my post I was smug and selfish...and he was right. Why do I think I have EARNED a dip? What could be so good or bad that you would want to hurt yourself? That is just silly. I may be a good person, but I am an addict, and if I want to not die or ruin my quality of life, that needs to be the focus. I am finishing day 6. I am exercising more, I am celebrating successes more, and I am supporting more in the chat and on boards. My new group is awesome and I love working with them. It still really bothers me that I let so many people down last time and it is one of the reasons I am back....and because I want this for myself.

FOR ANYONE THINKING OF CAVING....

I thought my anxiety and depression were bad when I stopped dip, but when I started back up it got to dangerous levels! Some of the darkest thoughts I ever had. No matter how much dip I put in or when I put it in IT DIDN'T HELP. For 24 years I believed the lie, but quitting for 28 days threw my brain into a place it had not been for a long time. It knew the dip wasn't helping. Maybe if I would have kept dipping I would have gotten back to a place where it believed it. I'll never know.

The last 6 days have not been awful. I know there will be challenges ahead. I also know what it feels like to let people down and let yourself down...it sucks.

Dip does not make anything better...and it does not help you handle difficulties...

I really hope I can come back and read this with a smile someday...

 June 10th, 2018, 2:53 pm #14
June 10th 2018. Day 15

Sunday. Been in the house all day. Was about to go for a run but the wind has kicked up and it is going to start storming. Wife taking a nap and all 4 kids here. My home is my safe place and I love everyone in it, but today is a struggle. No real reason why. Nothing magical about day 15. My wife let me sleep in. Im sleeping really good this quit because I am exercising like crazy (mostly running). It really helps clear my head and the days I don't get to do it are not as good. The problem with sleeping in for me is I just laid there and felt sorry for myself. This is the attitude that was my downfall last time. It is a PRIVILEGE to quit. It is something you GET to do because you are a bad ass. Anyone can continue to use nicotine as a crutch. Nicotine and tobacco cheat you out of so much and I see that now. I made a commitment to numerous people today and I am not letting them down. I have gotten to know a lot of these people and they are great people! They are looking up to me, and I need them. Usually when I get into a funk I can kick myself right out of it after a couple minutes, but today's is hanging around. Light headed, arms tingling, etc. My chest isnt tight which is a nice break. My mind is just racing. At any rate it is almost 3pm. I have made it through the hardest parts of the day. Its all downhill from here! Just have to try to stay positive and remember the reasons I quit. I know I am always going to think about dip, but I look forward to the day when it doesn't turn me into a foggy mess. I have met many people who have beat tobacco. It can be done. My drive to succeed has to be unwaivering! Getting out of the house later will feel good, and laying my head on the pillow tonight after kissing my kids knowing I didn't dip today will be totally worth it. DTFI (Dig the Fuck In)

 June 30th, 2018, 5:25 pm #17
Sitting here feeling the need to journal. Man...Day 35 sure is sweet. It is the longest I have went without dip in 20+ years. The thing I am most excited about is I don't feel the need to celebrate with a dip! The temptation to buy a can has went down greatly and most times does not even exist. I truly believe that I have entered a place where I know dip won't help. In the past 35 days I have went on a family vacation to the beach, drove 2,000 miles in 8 days, disciplined my kids, fought with my wife, mowed the grass, went to the movie theater, went on dates with my wife, etc. and ALL without dip. I am getting stronger, but I think the fog is still in my head a lot of the time. Sometimes it goes away, but it is still there a lot. There is still some anxiety and depression. I am starting to feel like I can control it though. I mean if I can choose not to dip for 35 days I should be able to choose a lot of other things like what I am going to let my mind think about. My go to good thoughts are 1. kissing my kids good night and laying down a WINNER and 2. Sitting in bed relaxing and reading a good book knowing that I won. As crazy as it sounds my anxiety is LOWER than when I caved and dipped for 40 days. During that time I had guilt and anxiety which is a bad combo. Staying positive, helping others, and focusing on ODAAT has really made a difference. I can do anything for one day. I have also recruited at least 5 people to sign up and I can't let them down. Plus guys like Fishflorida and Athan are counting on me. The crazy thing is I don't worry about letting anyone down because I know I have control over that. It is a strange feeling I havent had before. This day 35 shit is uncharted waters for me. Im pretty sure I have replaced my addiction to dip with an addiction to KTC and fake dip.....but Ill take that right now. Bring on Day 36 bitches

 July 1st, 2018, 10:26 pm #20
Day 36 in the books. I just sat down and read Athan's intro for like 30 minutes. That dude is a rock star. So impressed by him. I am starting to realize that people actually read these intros....maybe people that haven't even quit yet. It is odd that I don't feel the need to come in here and talk about how hard it is anymore. I mean, it is hard. I have a tightening in my chest most hours of the day, my mind still races at times and I lose focus, but I really think a transformation is happening. I know that dip won't make those things stop. I know that if I control my mind I can control my body and I can HEAL. It is going to take time. Years. But all I have to do is win today. We took a poll in our group today. 3 people think the morning is the hardest, 3 think the afternoon, and 3 think the evening. I LOVE the evening...I won another day. Sitting here in my quiet house typing away knowing that I beat the nic bitch. I am still taking an OTC sleep aide but I think I am pretty close to being done with it. I have been exercising much more. My endurance has went up significantly, and I think I could sleep on my own.

If you are reading this and you haven't quit...you should....we will help

If you are under 36 days...it gets better!

Time to kiss my kids good night...guilt free!

 July 7th, 2018, 11:58 pm #25
Day 42

I was going to get on the computer tonight and write a big long journal entry but alas I am in bed reading a good book winding down SIX DAMN WEEKS of quit. I’m so damn proud of myself. Today was like most days...some anxiety, minor cravings, etc. but here I am. Another day stronger and one more day removed from that bitch that was trying to kill me. I just introduced myself to two new guys tonight. I hope they post roll tomorrow. I have poured so much into others over the past 6 weeks I haven’t really even thought about my own quit. Only that there are now so many people counting on me I cannot fail. The amount of control I now feel is staggering. It seems simple...as long as you don’t buy dip and put it in your mouth you won’t cave. I used to be scared of caving...and while I still understand how it can happen and that I need to respect the power of nicotine..I’m not scared anymore. If I felt like I was about to fail I have 68 contacts in my phone I can reach out to. Even the new guys in the October group are bad asses. I am not putting blinders on. I know there are challenges ahead. Football practice is going to pick up, school is going to start, etc. these are all things I have never done without dip, and they are coming...but all I have to do is make it 24 hours at a time. One day. One school day, one practice, one two a day, one game, and so on. I don’t need to do it all right now....in fact I’m going to read and then sleep, which I can now do REALLY well! Bring on 43

 July 17th, 2018, 11:09 pm #27
Ugh...I need to go to bed, but this might help someone and I want to write it while its fresh. Day 52 is in the books. Day 53 starts in an hour. I am actually starting to believe it gets better. Might be pre-mature but I read about the funk that comes in the 70-90 day range. I am ODDAAT but I want to be ready for that. I now have 76 contacts in my phone and I want to text every single one of them before I cave. I love seeing the October group growing. I have really put some effort into some of those guys. As silly as it sounds....Im not sure I am going to like the November group as much! I also don't want to burn myself out. Im going to pray about it and stretch myself as much as I can, because thats how this place works. At any rate I digress...Here are the two things I want to get down.

Found out Monday that one of my good coaching friends is in the hospital. While on vacation his replaced hip from years ago started acting up and he had to come home and was admitted to the hospital. He is a cope dipper...probably close to a can a day. He has a nasty infection in his hip and is going to be in the hospital for some time. He was on the fence about quitting with me 53 days ago but never pulled the trigger. His options now are to sneak some cope into the hospital, or go through the suck while recovering from his hip surgery/infection. I know that I am nowhere near healed, but to know that I can make it 53 days is amazing. Im sad for my friend, but it has strengthened my quit

Item 2 is my mothers medical emergency from 2 days ago. I was stuck on an island 4 hours from my mom when she called and said her defibrilator went off three times. I drove my family 4 hours home, repacked, and drove 2 more hours to be with my mom. Stayed with her late into the evening and then GOT A SPEEDING TICKET WHEN I WAS FINALLY GOING TO GO HOME AND SLEEP! I can't make this up! My mom is having surgery next week on her heart and Ill make the 2 hour drive again. I have remained very positive over the past 52 days. Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't accomplish shit, and its a lie. WE AREN'T MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING!!! Quitting is the best thing we can do for ourselves and its NOT IMPOSSIBLE. In fact it doesnt even suck. Its just hard. Cancer, tooth loss, gum recession, jaw removal, tounge removal, etc....THOSE SUCK!!! Despite knowing all of that in the back of my mind I was always afraid that something SO bad would happen that I would HAVE to dip. A fight with my wife, someone getting sick, etc....Well, getting a frantic call from your mom when you are stuck 4 hours away ranks pretty high on the shittastic scale and I made it. Because I posted roll and honored my word. I may have to go through something harder, but 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

Football practice in the morning....gotta get some sleep....and I LOVE that i can sleep now!!!

 July 28th, 2018, 3:08 pm #31
Came home after 4 days of hospitals and traveling and house was a mess. Started frantically cleaning...this is usually when I put a dip in. Stopped and grabbed my phone. Spent about 10 min in live chat, posting support, and texting people. After some deep breaths I’m ready to get back after it. Taking 10 min to refocus can make a big difference....who knew...probably all the guys who are quit and told me to buy in. Day 63 almost in the books.

 August 12th, 2018, 12:07 am #33
Day 77 in the books. I feel obligated to type a little. Just got done grading scrimmage film. I have now made it through 2 weeks of two a days and two scrimmages dip free. Our first regular season game is in 13 days. School starts in 10 days. I am anxious about these upcoming challenges, but I am also confident. There were some rough patches in the 60-70 range but nothing like the first couple weeks. I am finding that everyones quit is different and someone will always tell you the next set of days coming up is going to be the worst....for example someone text me and said that the 80's are the hardest. I don't like sitting around and worrying about what is coming BUT I also do not want to get overconfident. My KTC phone contacts went from 91 to 85 because of cavers and MIQ's. Guys who thought they don't need KTC anymore. Why? Why not go all in and try it? It can't hurt anything, but walking away could screw up everything! There are some days I am more involved than others, but I know its not all about me and I need to help others.

I do not have anything spectacular to say, but the word of the day is SEPARATION. I have actively been trying to separate smokeless tobacco use from all aspects of my life. For over 20+ years I would use that drug in just about every scenario AND I had convinced myself it was helping. I am happy to report that slowly I am learning you don't need it. Today I got up before the sun and went and coached a scrimmage. When I got home the house was a mess, the kids were crazy, the wife was on edge, etc. This would have been prime tobacco time in the past. Instead of losing my shit I took some deep breaths and said..."I have a day and a half to get all this done". My wife and I didn't fight and within 90 minutes everything was done and we were relaxing. It seems silly and to explain that to a non tobacco user they wouldn't understand, but situations like this are big wins for me.

I was in a fog at the scrimmage today, but tonight grading the film I felt right as rain. I call these times "moments of clarity". When my chest isn't tight, my mind isn't racing, and I am thinking perfectly clear. These times are still rare, BUT they are increasing in frequency.

I went back and reread my early intro prior to my cave and it reminded me just how awful that experience was. Even after 77 days I have no desire to go back. I am also keeping this quit in perspective. Nothing magical happens at 100. I will not be cured. I will have a coin in my pocket to remind me of my promise and my experience, but the hard work goes on...not just for me, but for the guy who wants to start quitting tomorrow.


 August 21st, 2018, 11:02 pm #40
Day 87 in the books. I should absolutely be going to bed but here I am....I know there are people that are dealing with way heavier shit than me, but today was hard, and I kicked its ass without dip. SLOWLY I am rewiring my brain and coping mechanisms. After an emotional first day dropping my kids at school, and first day teaching for me, and football practice, and picking kid up at sitter I went to open house for one of the kids and my wife was a train wreck. Arguing about some stupid stuff that made no sense. Instead of getting fired up I just let it go. Took a drive and called my quit brother 69Franx who let me vent for a few. Came home and did the bedtime thing, the lunch packing thing, and the school paperwork thing for 3 kids and now its 11pm and im crashing. For the majority of the population this is a standard first day of school for people with a crap ton of kids. For me to do it without dip and not really crave it is awesome. I love winning. I also love showering and sleeping....Night all

 August 30th, 2018, 10:52 pm #42
Day 96 in the books. Went back and found some early posts. Want to save them here. These are all great and a reminder that we are all one bad choice away from starting over. All of the advice I have gotten here is great, but Bronc absolutely destroying me was the most eye opening thing that has ever happened to me. I am still working to be the best I can, but after his post I really looked at myself and what a selfish, arrogant ass I was being. Being quit requires you to really look at yourself and your addictive behaviors. Lots of people get butt hurt on here, but being a dick and speaking the truth is sometimes the only way to get through to people. I am one of those people. I am nowhere near cured, but I am getting on that train Monday...and I don't plan on going anywhere. ODDAAT


Sunday May 27, 2018
Capital70- Day 1. I have removed all tobacco from around me and am not using it today. I will make my promise again tomorrow morning. I know I have let you all down twice. I understand if you don’t forgive me.

May 27, 2018
Capital70- I think it is totally reasonable that I should have to explain myself and apologize. I imagine everyone is waiting to see if I actually make it through the first 3 days...or even 30 days. I figured I would have to do it with less help this time. It’s what i deserve...but I’m here

May 27, 2018
Leonidas
Fuck yeah!!
Rah, rah! Clap, clap clap.
Let's give that boy a big ol participation trophy!!
Maybe a giant purple dildo....
What the fuck Cap? What happened?
Did you cave on April 17, after promising your boys you wouldn't?
And don't fucking tell me about a bad day. No way.
I'll bring in two dozen men that have gone through deaths,
Divorce, cancer, Chemo and they're still quit.
So what happened?
And looking at your post history, you never bought in at all.
What are you gonna do differently?
All you've done since you've been here is lie to your boys, and cave.
Others can tickle your taint and whisper Muskrat Love in your ear, but that ain't what we do here.
We do Accountability.
So, let's go...
Pull your head out and get with the program.
What happened?
Why?
What are you gonna do differently?
I mean, since you care so much....

May 28, 2018
Sir Nopenhagen
Capital70 - first off how would you feel if one of your football players put in the same effort as you have these last couple of months? Your a coach right? Would you let the quarterback get away with a lack of commitment? Hell no you wouldn’t, you would be all over his ass.

Secondly all these cheerleaders that have come here to pat you on the ass and tell you to go get them next time are doing you a disservice. Sure we want you to be quit but we aren’t here to hold your hair back after the 2 wine coolers you just drank made you sick. Damn man what happened to giving your word and sticking to IT? 1358 days I was just like you, a slave to the Nic Bitch for 26 years, we are close to the same age so I know what it’s like quitting with 3 kids and life kicking your ass up and down the street. How many people told you that having a dip, all your problems would still be there? It’s nothing but a mask hiding the true shit that it really is.

Answering these 3 questions isn’t for me, or any of the other people here that are going to give you shit for breaking your word and turning your back on this team. These questions are ultimately for you and you only to reflect and see if maybe just maybe you have the balls to QUIT and stay that way. It’s not going to be easy but tell me when anything meaningful was? You have to put the work!! Answer the questions and see if you have what it takes.

May 28, 2018
Capital70
deserve everything I’m getting from all of you, and my words have proven to be empty so no amount of typing is going to change that. Only action...and that is going to be slow and painful.


1 What happened?

I made it until 4:45pm on Day 28. It was a Monday. The day was almost over and it wasn’t even a bad day!!! I had 3 of my kids in the van and we were headed to pick up my oldest. We were a couple minutes early so I stopped at a gas station, bought a can, and put it in. That’s it. Nothing glamorous. Just some soft ass pussy shit. Left my kids in the van and they watched me go in and buy shit that kills me

2 Why did it happen?

In 24 years I have never quit for more than 4 days. Throughout my entire stop secretly I believed doing it again would help. Despite everyone telling me it doesn’t help didn’t listen. After 28 days of insomnia I thought that having a dip would magically make me start sleeping again. I thought dipping would make my job easier, my marriage better, etc. WTF. Who thinks that? When I caved I caved HARD. Started putting two pouches in instead of one. Was waking up in the middle of the night putting them in and EVERY time I would look at the can and wonder why it wasn’t working any more. For 24 years I BELIEVED the lie. I actually thought it was helping. Trying to go back after 28 days was too late. My brain no longer believes the lie. During my cave my insomnia got worse, my anxiety got worse, and my depression got worse.

3 How will you keep it from happening again?

I now have the first hand knowledge that caving does not help. I now know that if I go back it will be worse. I can’t unforget how shitty the last 40 days have been.

I need to embrace the suck and be honest. I’m going to have insomnia, but it will go away.

I’m always going to be an addict, but I don’t have to be a user.

I realize that I am a selfish person. The guilt of dipping all day and then kissing my sleeping kids good night has been eating me up. Worse than any crave I’ve ever had. Most of my anxiety is caused by dip so it has to go.

Someone made reference to a football player. If I was a player I’d be cut. I didn’t follow through. Other than thieves, people who don’t keep their word are the worst. I have to live with it and own it. The way I see it I have two options

1. I am a shitty human being who sucks at life and loves fucking up, pissing people off, and letting them down

2. I am a 38 year old husband, father, teacher, and coach who is pretty fucking good at all of those who made a really dumb decision 24 years ago and took way too long to figure it out. I’m a good guy who made a couple bad decisions with his supporters because the nicotine receptors in my brain are probably the size of grapefruits.

If you want to believe #1 that’s your choice

I’m going to go run

May 28, 2018
Miker0351
Capital - gonna be brief here. I think every one of us has had a near exact scenario as you described in “trying to quit”. We’ve all done that alone 10 or 100 times before. Knowing how bad something sucks isn’t going to be enough to keep you from caving again, having self reflective honesty isn’t going to be enough to keep from caving again, guilt about your wife and kids isn’t going to be enough to keep you from caving again. All those things already existed, you caved. The only thing that works to keep from caving is sheer will and determination. Just don’t do it! You know what else helps a lot though? Connect with people here (yes we’re all people, some liars and losers and pathetic freaks; mostly pretty good dads/moms/people who have lives and activities that made a bad choice somewhere along the way and became addicts). Ask someone else about their insomnia, talk to someone about your struggles, learn about people going through challengers and achieving victories, do more than just post a number (since that isn’t enough for you to keep your commitment). Just remembering how shitty it is isn’t gonna cut it, no one thinks you’re an awful human being but if you keep doing the same things over and over we might just think you’re kind of a stupid one.


May 28th
Bronc
There's caving before joining this site and then there's caving after. I'll never ever understand the after, and I think it has to do with how this POS ends his three reasons...with the pat on the back that he's a good guy and that if we don't want to believe that, then it's our problem. You don't get to be the second scenario if you've got the first one going. You can't be a "good guy" if you have no honor and integrity. Those are lies from the pit of hell and that's the kind of shitty addict mindset we all told ourselves for years before coming here.

What you have is a serious case of arrogance and ignorance. Your self deprecation is so insincere and further more, what you don't even seem to understand is your three reasons is full of messages straight from the nic bitch. "Made a bad decision." "Pretty fucking good at all of them." Honestly, no you are not because you can't be if you are a liar without integrity or honor. You can't keep your word and you are selfish. You can't be pretty fucking good at those things if you are so selfish. The fact that you know about the neuro-pathways etc, means that you've read enough about addiction here and elsewhere to know what you are dealing with. Even with all that, you are just so arrogant that you think you are smart enough to do this on your own. Your "I got this, oops my bad" guy. The guy no one wants on their team because they are selfish and arrogant and ball hogs. o

How about you get humble and help others? How about you quit giving yourself a participation trophy "coach?" How about you stop slapping yourself on the ass and saying "you'll get 'em next time kid." It isn't how this works. You give your word, you keep your word. How about you put your #1 dad shirt away for awhile and wear the I'm with stupid with the arrow pointing straight up? Until you figure out that your way doesn't work and this way does, the only thing you are is a pussy caver with no integrity, no honor, and not any kind of guy that any of us would want our team.

This is a team deal "coach." When you are a loser, the whole team loses. Look at all the awful messages you are bringing, harming all of us quitters, guys that want to do the right thing and have done so. Now we've got that one added message that says, "oh, well if we fuck up, they'll take us back." Well, FUCK YOU and your Cave. I won't do it. My honor, integrity and family are way more important and after going through the hell of quitting, I'm not going to let that kind of shitty mindset infiltrate this place. It's a whole bunch of bullshit. 28 years of being a slave and 1536 days of quit today....and I"m still vulnerable. That's the mindset that keeps me quit. So go shine up your participation trophy and talk to yourself about what a great dad, teacher and coach you are. Meanwhile, in the real world, you're just a dishonest, selfish pussy that can't and won't follow instructions because you've got a better way. Buh-bye. You won't last.

May 29th
Walter White
I second what Bronc wrote…

This isn’t a challenge…this is life and death. Your next dip MIGHT give you cancer. Being quit is a way of life. Being quit means having integrity and honor. Being quit means helping others. Being quit is taking what life throws at you and saying “I’m quit” no matter what. Being quit means there are no excuses. Being quit means that I will do whatever I need to do to be quit today.

I don’t care if you are a great person, father and coach…. you are just like us…. An addict. We all made bad decisions. The difference between you and us…we give our promise and keep that promise. We stopped making excuses.


 August 31st, 2018, 11:56 pm #43
11:50pm on day 97. Huge week 2 football game tonight. On the road. One of the top ten games in the nation. We are losing 6-0 at the end of the first half. As we go out to start 3rd quarter, lightning delay. We hold kids for about 45 minutes and then decide to cancel as storms move in. This is a logistical nightmare. We meet as a staff, figure out a plan and then are at school until 11:30pm with a 5:30am arrival time tomorrow.

I say all that because I am damn proud of myself. Didn’t really crave and wasn’t foggy trying to handle logistics. Meanwhile at least 3 coaches are dipping around me.

I know there are challengers ahead, and I don’t know if we will win tomorrow’s game, but I do know I won’t dip tomorrow. That I can control. ODDAAT


Capital70
Quit Date May 27th, 2018
HOF September 3rd, 2018
Intro/Quit Journey
HOF Speech- I Get To
"The more I sacrifice, the harder it is to surrender"
"F#*k man, just post roll and keep your promise" -batdad
Quitters I've Met- 69Franx, Wiesman71, McDave, Jeidi1991
Bad asses quit....everyone else stays addicted