I've gotten a lot out of the "Introductions" section's mainstays. Regular posts from Smokey, SWJ, Bear, Dan, Wildcat and MF have entertained, assisted and enlightened me. These factors alone would inspire me to emulate my brothers here, with a quasi-blog of my own.

But a much more highly motivating factor occurred to me yesterday: I like to write. It distracts me from my workday, when I need it. If I write HERE, and get into it, I'll be that much less likely to cave. After all, I can't cave if I'm sitting here typing. Moreover, how could I cave and then come here to write? I couldn't sit in front of KTC with a fatty in my face.

So, I'll write. And it would be cool if some of the July and August brothers wanted to do the same. If so, do it here. Ruminations and musings. Haikus. Smut. Whatever.

I agree Dean, reading the posts here inspire me to put my thoughts into words. Even if what we post about isn't relevant to other quitters at one time or another, it is in fact for me, therapeutic.

Putting thoughts to blogs, paper or whatever you put words to helps alleviate the pressures of addiction, at least for me anyway.

I enjoy reading your posts Dean and hope you inspire others to post as well, by whatever means they deem necessary. Well done my friend.

MF

Thanks for the props, MF. Mother Fucker. Male Floozie. Most Fairylike.

Here I am, on Day 38, and my bowel movements still have not returned to normal. I am pretty much shitting every third day. I grumped Monday, and I grumped this morning. It's getting a bit out of hand.

This morning's movement was special. Since quitting, the constipation has resulted in some mighty gigantic and robusto shits, but today's really was exceptional. I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.

You can imagine that a turd of such proportions is not toilet-friendly. After squeezing out what seemed to be a Peterbilt transmission, I flushed. No dice. My crap just stood up straight like the fucking Titanic and twisted in the bowl. I tried again, to no avail.

I couldn't just walk away from this mess. It wouldn't have been ethical. Because honestly, the next guy who sat down - if he didn't look - would have gotten my log right up his asshole.

I cleaned up and crept quickly and quietly out of the bathroom and into the offices. I spied a pencil on one of the marketing girl's desks. I swiped it and returned to the bathroom.

Chop chop chop chop...With the pencil, I broke my megapoo into seven or eight manageable pieces and flushed. The grump chunks, defeated, swirled into the sewer.

One interesting observation: I probably should have used the eraser end of the pencil. As it turned out, I drew all over the porcelain while playing ninja with my poop.

And what to do with the shitty pencil? I opted to wipe it clean and put it back on the girl's desk. That'll teach her to take my yogurt from the break room fridge.

Dean u are a sick skunky cunt, a skunt, one would say....

Do yourself a favor, eat nothing but 2 spaghetti squashes for dinner, and take tommorow off. If that doesn't work u need a shit sack frilled into ur mid section....

Fuckyoukodiak!!!!

I guarantee that if I was shitting in the woods, this dump would have laid out on the leaves at least 18 inches, end to end. Probably more.(Quoted by Dean)

We would call that a Corn Back BOA

No joke Dean, buy glycerin suspositories. They work. And the joy of it all, you get to stick your finger up your ass. I know you will enjoy it.

This is pure fucking brilliance!!! Might I suggest copying and pasting this in every board?? 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

Oatmeal, spinach and a banana, I plop 2 doogs/day!

Fiberous shit stalk
Stands erect and towering
Awaiting the next -
There is no rectal return
A pencil chops it away

HA! Whooooooa, Nelly. *bar is raised*

Goddamn, that's funny. A to the Motherfuckin K, Smokey.

I knew someone wouldn't be able to resist the call to haiku.

U FUCKS MAKE ME SICK

Dean - you're a janitor's worst nightmare.........I don't actually believe you would destroy a masterpiece like that. I'm guessing you remove all the soiled paper accessible from the bowl
so this great beast is as naked as possible and somehow manage to prop that stall door open so when your fellow co-workers walk by, they're just compelled to take a moment to bask in the ambience.

Dan...VERY keen observations and possibilities. I think I'm just gonna shit on the bathroom floor next time.

Sorry for the interruption... this stuff is GREAT! In fact, it reminds me of a discussion that we had in my group (October 06) a LONG time ago... enjoy!

~* Post From The Past *~
the great bidet debate

'crackup'

Thanks a lot....now I got snot on my computer screen! Fuck...I'm cryin'!

Thanks for the thread, Chewie. VERY excellent. Gotta love the weird scenarios quitting brings and the remarkable fact that every one of us can relate to the oddities.

too much money for something to just spray my ass with. i bet i could rig up somethings from lowes that could do the job for $40 or less.

I wouldn't necessarily call it a miracle, but it surely is GODLY that I maintained my quit over the past three days. Yes, I AM A FUCKING GOD.

And it's a very odd situation: I feel quite proud of myself and what I've accomplished thus far, but I am also deeply entrenched in a colossal quit funk. (Many of us discussed this in another thread last week.) I am in this unique, microcosmic manic-depressive state. It's a millisecond-to-millisecond experience. At one instant, I feel intoxicating bliss. The next moment, my guts feels twisted, and I want to either write a really sad, shitty poem or kill someone with my bare hands.

All I know is that I have been under immense stress for the past several weeks, and particularly the past three days. But I did not cave. How or why I didn't, I have no idea. But I didn't, and I am a fucking god. Those who cave are fucking zeroes. Fuck you.

Dude, just to let you know, this is exactly how I have felt lately.

Oh, it really, really helps to know that, pal. It's sick and twisted, but it helps to know that I am not the only one out there who has, science says, overcome a physical addiction yet continues to FREAK OUT because of the habit and psychological / emotional matters.

I hate nicotine desperately.

yeah....lock up the guns and stay away from sharp objects for a few days.....

fuckin sucks to have the reality of addiction slap you upside the head doesn't it? I never knew how much control over every dam aspect of my life that i had given to my addiction. from decision making to how i felt to my moods, to dealing with problems/people/family/kids etc....

couldn't do any of that shit without cope.....

trust me.....when you break on thru to the other side....the sense of self control/pride you will have makes all the shitty days worthwhile....

Fuck you cope/Fuck you nicotine/Fuck you you fucking addiction.......

make sure you got some numbers....you want mine, pm me and let me know. Always good to talk to a brother quitter.....

X3 - Good to know I'm not alone in this. I will not cave. I won't let the bitch win.

Well, Rob and Cubby: We have no choice but to plow through this stage and see what's next, right?

x4 been there myself off and on lately. Seems like when I have down time its the worst for me.

Same here boys.

Not really dip related though.

Tough year.

I concur, I would like to murder someone.

Two, I do admit, when I am feelin really shitty, I say, well, why not just cave.

It passes relatively quickly.

Finally, I am freakin' pissed. I took a really hard look at my gums yesterday, post surgery like i dunno, 50 days or so, and it looks like the surgery did fuckin nothing. I can still see alot of the tooth at the bottom I know i am not supposed to see.

Mother fucker.

Dean, hang in there son.

Let's all pool our money and open like a 7-11 or something. Or a go-go bar.

Glenn: Did you get grafting done? If so, the point of such a procedure is to build up the depth/mass of the gum line; not create a new one. It prevents further gum recession. You don't get back what you've lost.

Im down for the go-go bar

Well look at Mr Smarty Pants.

Serious?

I never ask the right questions.

Sounds relevant, Dr Cunt, thank you for elaborating. How did you know that?

Glenn: I know what grafting is about because I've had the procedure. I am not a medical doctor. My true expertise is limited to knowing how to get free blowjobs from strippers and transsexuals.

Hmmmmm I'd like to plow through something at a go-go bar! How's that for thereapy?

Paramahansa Yogananda was to the westernization of Eastern religious thought what L. Ron Hubbard was to the Hollywoodification of religion overall. In the 1920s, Paramahansa Yogananda began to make Hinduism cool, which paved the way for all sorts of ridiculous shit, such as American Buddhism (which is laughable, considering that these hippies are STILL scratching the herpes sores they first received in the late 1960s, thanks to hedonism run amok). Anyway...

I remember reading the yogi's "Man's Eternal Quest" in my late teens, and I was struck by how goddamn awesome he was and how much contempt I had for him - mainly because I didn't believe a word he said, and also because I was not awesome.

I was weak. I was an addict. Addicted to everything I ever touched. Paramahansa Yogananda was all about self control, and I had none.

On one hand, I tend to dismiss all things Eastern because I hate China. But on the other hand, I'd like to believe that every human is capable of really controlling himself or herself. ALL of us...without sacrificing who we are.

I bring this up because I am getting fat (in relative terms). I'm 6'1", and I usually weigh about 190. I have cracked the 200 mark (which I have not done since 2003), and I am not fucking happy about it.

I know why I've put on weight. It's obvious: I quit dipping, and the only thing that has made me feel any better is eating.

Even knowing that food will make me feel better, I still haven't eaten everything I've wanted whenever I've wanted. I still try to moderate my intake. I try to exhibit self control.

But I am starting to think that I need to do what I always do: all or nothing. I either need to get on the food wagon or get off it. I should either eat like a lowly Five Points hooker or go back to the nutrition regime I usually follow (and then some).

I'm really torn.

If the strings are too loose, the instrument will not play. If the strings are too tight, they will snap. Follow the middle way.

Eat relatively healthy and take your fat ass for a run.

Prophetic. Very good advice, of course. (Although I do run...always have.)

The problem is that I need to keep my mouth busy and...

Jesus. This site really does corner me into sounding like a homo very often. I'm just going to do what you tell me, Smokey, because you are pretty.

I am starting to wonder....

This is the last 26 seconds of cockpit transcript from that commuter plane that went down, killing 50, in Buffalo in February.

I am completely unsettled right now.


22:16:26 Cockpit Area Microphone (CAM): (sound similar to flap handle movement)

22:16:26 First Officer Rebecca Shaw: uhhh.

22:16:27 CAM: (sound similar to stick shaker lasting 6.7 seconds)

22:16:27 Flight Crew Audio Panel: (sound similar to autopilot disconnect horn, repeats until end of recording)

22:16:27 CAM: (sound of click)

22:16:31 CAM: (sound similar to increase in engine power)

22:16:34 Captain Marvin Renslow: Jesus Christ.

22:16:35 CAM: (sound similar to stick shaker lasting until end of recording)

22:16:37 Shaw: I put the flaps up.

22:16:40 CAM: (sound of two clicks)

22:16:42 Renslow: (sound of grunt) (unintelligible) -ther bear.

22:16:45 Shaw: Should the gear up?

22:16:46 Renslow: Gear up... oh [expletive].

22:16:50 CAM: (increase in ambient noise)

22:16:51.9 Renslow: We're down.

22:16:51.9 CAM: (sound of thump)

22:16:52.0 Shaw: We're (sound of scream)

End of cockpit voice recording

How was your road trip? Did housekeeping tip you for not leaving spitters around?

Justin...MY trip? Last week? If so, how did you know about it? When the hell did I mention it when you were around?

Wasn't a road trip, though. Regular pain-in-the-ass plane trip.

I flew that same night, too, Dean, out of Newark as well. We were delayed a few hours getting out, 'cause of the wind. but I headed south to the Bahamas. Crazy thing was, I connected in Ft Lauderdale on the same fucking plane, operated by the same company, to Nassau, on the same day. Crazy right?

I read the transcripts yesterday. Very strange, and depressing.

Crazy? That's WAY beyond crazy, Glenn. That's positively fucking whacked out.

I actually had to fly to Buffalo the following week, and I was pretty stoked about it. I figured that the chances of two planes headed for the same destination could NOT crash within a week of each other. Those odds were much too high. So, I flew in comfort. I believe in numbers.

I believe in that too.

I will say this. On my trip back to the Bahamas next year, which I just booked a few days ago, I booked the non-stop from Newark. fuck those little planes.

although I must say, it was very calming and relaxing when I took it to Nassau. Scary, but I had nice weather, and it was actually kinda comforting to see the pilot and co-pilot flying the plane